Your love for superficial things, or superficialities, may be steering you towards unhealthy or low-quality relationships. First, it’s important to recognize that there’s nothing inherently wrong with desiring these superficialities in life; they can add comfort or excitement or deep experiences in life to some extent. However, when pursued excessively, they can lead to detrimental outcomes. In this article, we will explore how this pursuit can result in superficial relationships — ones that merely scratch the surface and fail to reflect genuine connection or depth.

Let’s first define what we mean by “superficial things.” By superficialities, we refer to expensive gifts, luxury cars, extravagant lifestyles, and expensive travel — those aspects of life often perceived as ideal or synonymous with happiness. These are the standards to which society conditions us, presenting them as the epitome of perfection or fulfilment. Those things that are good for the eye but not really touching the heart.

When it comes to relationships, you may desire a partner who will spoil you with extravagant vacations, expensive rings, gold-plated watches, or those picture-perfect “Instagram-worthy” couple goals that are only visually appealing. It’s not really about principles or deep growth, it’s just things which can be taken away by the wind or things which anyone give you if they have them or if they can fake that they have them.

Hooking You in with Superficial Things

When you are too deeply immersed in superficial things, anyone can come along and promise you that. Because they know you truly believe that there’s no life beyond those things, they will love bomb you or shower you with all kinds of gifts, vacations, just to gain your attention and obsession.

It’s during those early stages of your relationship where you’re flaunting the way they treat you on Instagram or to your friends. You talk about the superficial treatment you’re receiving and you even forget to see them for who they are. After all, you’ve never seen yourself for who you are but rather for what you have. So, why bother scrutinizing them or looking out for potential red flags when they’re meeting your desires? That’s how they sweep you off your feet, as my friend once said.

What we need to realize is that it’s so easy to manufacture a surface-level life because all it needs is money and willingness to use it as a means to an end- that’s it. No principles whatsoever. You will end up being spoiled but ignoring the manipulation. They may really give you all those things you desire and even more, but when you’re blinded, you stop seeing the relationship for what it is.

Then, that’s how you jump into a relationship molded by wants and desires which will not really meet your deep needs like affection, respect of boundaries or growth. You even see the relationship as a place of superficial growth where you’re investing together, traveling together, having good cars and you can’t see beyond the pain you’re feeling deep inside. You invest so much in the events of the relationships and you forget to see the process until you’re too deep in it, and then you start realizing that they’ve been using you all along.

Making it Hard to Leave

So, once you find out that they’re not who you thought they were and they’re even mistreating you, it becomes hard to leave because you know that if you leave, you may lose that fancy car, amazing vacation, or those superficial things which have defined your life. When you’re shallow or when you love shallow things, you will fight so hard to keep the shallowness even when it’s hurtful to you. You wouldn’t want your friends to find out that you’re living in a dark, congested apartment because you chose yourself. You’re really focusing so much on how others will perceive you because people see the superficial things, and you’re not even focusing on how you’re being treated.

You end up preferring or watering down the abuse so as to keep your desires or the superficialities you’re getting in the relationship. Like let’s say you’ve gotten used to that car, that family car, you’ve gotten used to that credit card which has unlimited funds, you’ve gotten used to going out in these high-end places. But you are being mistreated, you are being cheated on, you are being abused, they’re doing all those things to you. But because you’ve defined your life from this superficial aspect, you can really get to the point where you really feel that it’s much better to stay in an unhappy situation where you are getting money and where you have money than being happy and broke.

Actually, in my home country there is a song which normally goes like, “It’s better to cry in a Range Rover than smile in a bicycle.” That’s the mindset when you are so glued to a superficial lifestyle and a life lacking depth. This is of course a very twisted mentality because at the end of the day, you can be in a bicycle, you can be in a Range Rover, but what matters is how you’re feeling deep inside. You may be feeling very bad, you may be feeling depressed, stressed, and you have all those things, but someone else may not be having that much but they laugh, they are happy, they are joyful, they look forward to each and every day. Of course, the other one is living a quality life, you are just living a fake superficial life.

Too Much Superficial Love = Too Much Emptiness

When you are so fixated on the luxurious aspects of life and cannot see an alternative, you may appear wealthy on the surface, but internally, you’re merely a beggar craving attention and validation from others. When you are shallow, you tend to attract similarly shallow individuals because that’s your comfort zone. In a shallow relationship, it becomes more important to hear “I love you” than to actually be treated with love and respect. It’s a relationship where one vacation a year substitutes for countless instances of mistreatment.

Go Deeper — You Can Have Both

And that’s a very big difference when it comes to deep vs shallow relationships. A deep relationship involves seeing the person for who they are, not for what they have, because what they have can be taken away. Also, what they have may not really be theirs. Sometimes, people will just show you what they have to hook you into the relationship, and then once they’ve got you hooked, you realize that this person is probably in a lot of debt. However, by that time, it’s too late because you’re overly invested in those things.

So, your love for superficial things is a problem, and it may lead you to relationships where people just show the upper side or the surface level and not really reveal the deeper aspects. Actually, there is no problem with superficial things, but it becomes a problem when you’re at a superficial level and you can’t even enjoy the outer richness you have.

https://biiedwin.gumroad.com/l/MasteringPersonalBoundariesCourse?_gl=1*et9czc*_ga*MTkxNjcxMDU2NC4xNjg1MDA1MjYw*_ga_6LJN6D94N6*MTY5ODczNDU3OC4yMjQuMC4xNjk4NzM0NTc4LjAuMC4w

You can have both — a very good superficial life and a rich inner life — by truly going inwards and dealing with your deepest fears and scars. This is not advocating for a frugal or minimalistic lifestyle, but rather for looking at inner richness or being contented with life on a deeper level, a level that cannot be taken away from you. Your inner richness is the richness you had when you were a young child, playing without even caring about owning anything but bursting with laughter before you were conditioned.

There’s nothing wrong with desiring those things, but let it not be an escape from facing your shadows or your emptiness.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.