Today I’ll be answering the question of why toxic people, whether they’re a toxic parent, a toxic partner, or just someone abusive in your life, don’t want you to leave them. You may genuinely feel that they’re abusing you, and it seems logical that if you leave, they should let you go. You might also think because they’re hurting you, you’re a bother to their life so may you should just tell them that you’re leaving. So, why is it that even when you try to leave, or you express to a parent or partner that you’re cutting them off, they won’t let you go? Why can’t they just allow you to live your life?

The main reason, of course, is that you supply their needs. Your presence meets some of their survival needs, particularly the constant need for admiration and validation. Toxic individuals often lack these qualities within themselves and seek validation from others to fill their inner emptiness. They want to keep you around because you serve this purpose for them.

Moreover, you might be fulfilling some of their basic needs, such as providing money or handling their errands. In a twisted sense, you are important to them, but it’s not based on genuine love; rather, they want to use you to meet their selfish needs. So, they won’t let you go because you’re serving a purpose in their lives. They might also want you around more as a trophy or because you contribute to their good reputation in the community. For instance, society often tends to glorify people who are married, especially those who have been together for a long time. So, they may choose to keep you so that others can see they have a successful marriage, which boosts their reputation and public image.

Another aspect is their fear of abandonment. Toxic people often have deep-seated abandonment issues, fearing it immensely. Abandonment brings to the surface their insecurities, low self-esteem, and low self-belief. To compensate for these insecurities, they overcompensate by seeking external control and manipulation. When you leave, it triggers these insecurities, and they’ll do anything to avoid facing the painful emotional wounds that resurface.

They don’t want you to leave because you are the bandage they’ve used for a long time to cover these wounds. The fear of confronting and healing these wounds keeps them holding onto you.

Remember, it’s essential not to fall for their reasons for not wanting you to leave. Instead, ask yourself, “What’s really stopping me from leaving for good?” The answers lie within you, not in them. Taking these answers with you is the key to breaking free from toxic relationship patterns.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.