Today, I’ll be addressing the question of why it typically backfires when you attempt to advise your abusive ex’s new partner about the abusive nature of your ex. Let’s say your toxic ex has moved on, found someone new, and is even considering marriage. You, having experienced their abusive behavior firsthand, genuinely want to warn the new partner about the manipulative and harmful tendencies of your ex. However, you may have noticed that your warnings often go unheeded. Here’s why it usually backfires, and it’s really understandable for you to try it because you don’t want someone else to go through what you went through.

Firstly, the relationship is still in its early stages. Recall the early days of your past abusive relationship — you were treated well, pampered, validated, and your desires were mirrored. It felt like an amazing connection, almost like finding your soulmate. The same cycle is repeating with the new partner, and they believe they’ve found an incredible person because, in the early stages, everything seems perfect. This is why your warnings may not resonate — they are currently experiencing the positive aspects of the abusive relationship.

Secondly, manipulation plays a significant role. Just as you were manipulated during your relationship, the new partner is likely being manipulated as well. Your ex might have assured them of a promising future, misled them to the extent that they are unwilling to heed any advice, and persuaded them that everything outside the relationship holds no significance. When someone is manipulated to this extent, it becomes challenging for them to see anything beyond the relationship. Your attempts to persuade them to leave might be twisted by your ex as evidence of your supposed instability. Your ex might tell the new partner that you’re trying to ruin things and paint you as the jealous one in this picture. This, in turn, reinforces the perception that you were the problem in the relationship and your ex was the victim all along.

While your intentions are good, your efforts may make it harder for the new partner to see beyond the relationship. They may view you as an enemy trying to sabotage a good thing, similar to how your ex painted you in the past. It’s crucial to let them learn for themselves. Instead of trying to convince them, a more compassionate approach could be saying something like, “If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.” This approach invites them to share if they wish, without imposing advice.

Remember, it’s essential to focus on your own healing. While helping others is commendable, it can sometimes be a distraction from addressing your own needs. Don’t make things worse for yourself. Heal from the damage, and if the new partner wants guidance, they’ll seek it when they’re ready. Avoid chasing or trying to convince them.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.