Today I’ll be answering this question: why do you replay the things you should have said to them after leaving the abusive relationship? Let’s say you left the relationship a couple of months ago. Yes, you understand the relationship was abusive. You understand it was toxic. You even understand now that you’re convinced you were not the problem and they could not really change their behaviours. But then, you find yourself in this instance where you’re just sitting down and end up having this conversation in your head which might go like “Maybe I should have said that, maybe I should have done that.” So why do you do that?

Actually, you do that because on a deeper level, there’s still an aspect of blame. There’s still an aspect of blaming yourself for what happened. When you blame yourself or feel regretful for what happened in the past, it means that the mind will always loop with scenarios where it points to you as the ‘bad’ one. The mind wants to reinforce what you deeply believe about yourself. So, it takes you back to the scenario where you were reactive in the relationship. It will prove a point that maybe you are to blame. The mind will always try to make associations, create scenarios, all based on your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions in the present moment.

And because you’ve also gotten used to being blamed for everything or being overly responsible for others, when you’re overly responsible, it means that you are not really looking at what they should have done to change their behaviors. You’re looking at what you did to make them change. You are really absorbing their responsibility because you’ve been wired to feel overly responsible for others. It’s all about those beliefs that point to you as the one to blame, the one who’s supposed to take care of others, the one who’s supposed to make others happy, the one who’s supposed to please others.

When you have those beliefs, the mind will come up with scenarios, taking you back to the scenarios where you did something wrong or the scenarios where you should have said something to help them. That’s how the mind works.

Because when you look at it closer, you realize that the mind is just taking you to the few scenarios where you did something ‘bad’ or the few scenarios where you should have done something better. It’s not taking you back to the scenarios where you did better and the outcome was still the same. It’s not showing you how you tried your best but it was not really enough.

https://biiedwin.gumroad.com/l/NavigatingtheStormofNarcissisticAbuse

If the mind was thinking of those scenarios, then maybe you could realize that actually, you didn’t have a problem right from the start. You were just trying to survive and dealing with someone who was very, very abusive. But the mind will take you where your beliefs are or will take you to places that reinforce how you deeply believe about yourself.

So, once you work on those subconscious beliefs or those negative beliefs you have about yourself, you’ll realize that the mind can take you there, but you will not stay there. The mind can take you to a scenario where you broke a few cups, but now you’ll realize that actually, you broke those cups because they pushed you to the corner, not because you are abusive. Because you deeply believe that you are just someone who’s responsible for themselves and you’re a good person. So, the mind takes you where it reinforces how you currently believe about yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.