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When Your Narcissistic Ex Surprises You with Closure
Closure talk or that final conversation confirming the relationship is over is like finding a rare unicorn in narcissistic relationships. But sometimes, that covert narcissist ex will surprise you and actually provide the closure you’ve been desperately hoping for. It’s shocking because you’ve read all the materials stating narcissists absolutely don’t do gestures like that. So your mind starts spinning — how generous and self-aware of them to offer this closure! You even fantasize that maybe, just maybe, they’ve radically changed and finally “get it.”
Except we both know that narcissists don’t actually make generous gestures without an ulterior motive behind them. Your immediate reaction might be to see their “closure” explanations as them having an epiphany or realizing something about you or themselves.
Some of the reasons they may give you “closure” include love-bombing you with unsolicited closure first to control the story and defend themselves before you have a chance. They feed you their edited version of events so you’re more likely to accept and understand their reasons, rather than thinking about your own side first. They also give you this offer of closure to feed you false hope, making it easier for them to suck you back into the relationship. You might think, “They’re not like the others because they gave me closure,” which plays into their manipulation tactics.
The ultimate sneaky effect of this fake closure is to make you drop your guard a bit so you don’t cut them off completely or go full no-contact.
Think about it this way- if they had just rudely discarded you again without explanation, you’d be hurt but also fired up to go full no contact as self-protection, right? But by kindly “explaining” themselves and bringing that aspect of mutual understanding, they lull you into a false sense of closure yourself.
You’ll inevitably think, “Well, at least we ended it in reasonably good terms this time. They seemed self-aware about why it didn’t work.” So, you don’t feel compelled to block them on everything and completely ice them out of your life.
And there’s the narc’s real insidious win — keeping their foot slightly in the door of your life. By not forcing total no contact, they maintain that ability to hook you back into the relationship when they need fresh supply or an ego boost. It’s easy to reach out to you when you still have a line of communication and you’ll stay unblocked, unprotected from their periodic love-bombing hoover attempts when they want attention. Or worse, you’ll be the one weakening no contact to re-engage, convincing yourself “This time they’re really serious about change!” Nah, fam. It’s the same old cycle anew.
So don’t get lured into that false closure trap. If a covert narc suddenly wants to have an “honest” closure talk dialogue about the breakup, recognize it as bait and nothing more. It’s tempting to follow along, but save yourself and simply understand that they’re skilled at manipulation and you’re still vulnerable to their charms. If you decide to listen to them, just listen, but don’t let your mind lie to you and fill you with fantasies of what could be and what could have been.
Continue with your no contact, as you don’t really need closure from them to heal. The pain is already there, and you will find closure once you look inward and address the wounds and imprints left by past relationships. Do not fall for their games or the tricks of your mind, which is accustomed to betrayal and hurt. You’ve got this; you know enough not to fall for those games. Happy healing.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
