If there’s something I’ve learned about relationships, it’s that the fear of not wanting to ruin things is not really because you love them, but it’s simply because you’re afraid of being abandoned.

As counterintuitive as it sounds, a healthy relationship is one in which you’re not afraid of losing it because you know you will be okay without it. But in those other unhealthy relationships, there’s always that niggling fear that you may ‘ruin’ things. That niggling fear that one wrong move from you and you may rock the boat.

In fact, when the relationship is so sweet and experiences highs, you want to have it forever, and you will go to great extents just to prove your loyalty to your new partner. Some time back, my friend even got a tattoo because the relationship was hitting the soul, as she said (but we know how this story mostly ends).

When a relationship is going well or when it’s in that honeymoon stage, you may try your best, put on a mask because you don’t want to just ruin it. You want it to last forever and after.

You may be afraid of asking the hard questions or even talking about the state of the relationship because everything is just fine, and the romance is just so passionate. You’re in cloud nine, and why should you bother about the small talk or just talking about their mysterious phone calls or their shady business deals? Why not just turn a blind eye on those red flags and enjoy what you’re being given?

When the relationship is at that high, you will do a lot of things just to keep it the way it is because you don’t want to ruin it. And in doing that, do you know that you’re abandoning yourself, or you’re literally ruining yourself?

In fact, in the love bombing phase of a toxic relationship, you get so hooked into the relationship because it’s so sweet that you don’t want to ruin it. And by not wanting to ruin those moments, you end up bending over backwards to impress them or satisfy them, or you end up lowering all your boundaries because you don’t want to ruin things.

You want things to be as they are. When you’re madly hooked in love, you will not see the full expanse of the relationship, and you will be seeing only those passionate moments. And when you’re hooked, you will not want to even scrutinize or ask them those questions because when you ask, you ruin the mood.

Be Willing to Stir the Pot

So, that’s how many relationships survive, just not asking those genuine concerns or even asking yourself the hard questions because you don’t want to stir the pot.

Actually, by stirring the pot, you’re stirring yourself out of your comfort zone and allowing yourself to grow. But by holding things or by trying so hard not to ruin it, you’re digging yourself further and further, or you’re clogging more and more negative beliefs.

Be willing to be in a relationship and be willing to ask questions, even if it ends up ruining things. You will learn something about yourself. When you entertain some undesirable behaviour from someone else in the guise of not wanting to ruin things, then you’re priming yourself for abuse.

A healthy Relationship = A Stable Foundation

A healthy relationship is one with a deep and stable foundation, such that having concerns is seen in a positive connotation as a room for growth and correction, and not a place where those questions bring down the relationship.

Be willing to ask yourself those hard questions, especially those ones which really fill your tummy with butterflies, not those ones which just soothe your ego.

That’s why I love this quote, even when I feel stuck in my own life: “Problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way.” — Alan Watts.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.