According to research, survivors of abuse return to their abusive partners an average of seven times before leaving for good. If you have found yourself in this on-and-off cycle, it can be frustrating and painful to make the wrong decisions repeatedly.

Leaving a place where you have invested your emotions is never easy, and it requires determination and courage to make that decision. You may question your decision, thinking that you are doing the wrong thing by leaving. You may feel lonely and sad and miss the beautiful moments you once shared with your partner.

During the divorce process, your partner may frustrate you and threaten to ruin your life if you do not return to them. They may threaten to alienate you from your children or take all your money. They may make leaving seem like the worst thing for you, and you may logically think that you are better off in the relationship.

You may end up going back to them because you feel addicted or hooked on what the relationship was giving you. These trauma bonds and life challenges provide evidence that there is no place for you to go. They may also feed on your hope and promise to change their behavior. You may even convince yourself that this time you will make it work because you have figured out their manipulative ways. You may think they have learned their lesson and that threatening to leave or actually leaving them means they now see that you are serious.

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You may even involve external sources, such as your parents, priest, or prayers, to try and work things out in your marriage. When you go back, things may look better for a few days or weeks, only for the relationship to turn out worse for you. You tell yourself with deep conviction that “this time I am leaving for good,” but there is a part of you telling you that this has been the narrative for the past couple of times.

You always leave and come back. Your mind keeps the evidence that you have done that before, and you may even feel resigned that you may never leave the relationship or see no point in leaving because you will still end up coming back. You are tired of the on-and-off cycle, and your lack of inner strength leans on just staying and never thinking of leaving.

So, why does this happen? It is because you see leaving as the last step instead of seeing it as a beginning. Leaving is the beginning of your healing journey. Instead of blaming yourself and beating yourself up for staying too long or going back to them or not learning your lesson, take full responsibility to address those dark forces within you that are pulling you back.

When you leave, you leave only physically. The next step should be leaving them psychologically and emotionally. They have left imprints on your psyche and distorted how you believe about yourself. To fully leave, you have to let go of the past and those psychological scars they have inflicted on you. These are the psychological scars that make you feel that you are not good enough or that you will end up alone. They are the scars that pull you back to your oppressor.

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Work on healing and processing those scars so that you can unbind yourself from the chains of abuse on an inner level. Without working on those subconscious beliefs, you will always find yourself in unhealthy relationships that make you feel unworthy.

In conclusion, see leaving not as the final step but as the beginning of a journey to deeply understand your boundaries and negative beliefs. With that mindset, you can take the necessary steps to process your traumas and unplug yourself from your conditioning. That is how you leave for good and know that you are done with abusive relationships. The wounds are heavy and are pulling you down, but with your commitment and the right tools, you can release them and never go back for good.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.