Today, I’d like to answer this question: Is feeling emotionless, or being numb, being ‘unbothered’ the best way to heal from an abusive relationship?

This advice is commonly heard, particularly among certain groups, often pertaining to men. It might sound something like, “Ah, the only way to survive now is to become emotionless, to feel nothing at all nowadays.” So, there’s always this tendency of thinking that being emotionless or just shutting things down is equivalent to healing, and it may really look like it’s equivalent to healing because you are convincing yourself that you are not feeling anything.

You’re convincing yourself that because you’re not experiencing emotional pain, you can navigate through life and believe that you’ve healed. Actually, this isn’t equivalent to healing; it’s just being wounded. Feeling numb or emotional doesn’t indicate healing.

It simply means that you’re shutting things down, a mechanism you’ve developed gradually over time as a means to survive in those toxic environments. So, when you navigate life from the perspective of this survival strategy, you’re not truly being yourself or authentically you, but rather, you’re reacting to what you’ve been through.

So, you’re not truly emotionless; it’s more like you’re just shutting things down. And these suppressed emotions are the ones exerting control over your life. The other unresolved issues need to be processed so that you can regain the ability to feel emotions or stop feeling dead inside.

Feeling emotionless may seem like a protective measure, as if you’re shielding yourself from future heartbreaks.

However, in reality, you’re only doing yourself a disservice because you’re allowing the past to dictate your present choices. By letting the experience with your abusive ex prevent you from feeling emotions, you’re hindering your own growth and healing.

And there’s something about being emotionless; it’s not just the absence of negative emotions. In fact, you may find yourself hardly smiling, unable to feel any positive emotions like joy or bliss. You simply exist. On the other hand, when you’re numb, suppressing these emotions for an extended period, they don’t simply vanish. Instead, they may manifest as physical symptoms such as insomnia, adrenal fatigue, or even conditions like fibromyalgia. The emotions you’re numbing will always attempt to find a way to express themselves physically, particularly if you’ve been suppressing them for a prolonged duration. You might even develop unusual autoimmune diseases due to the emotions stored within your body.

It may appear similar, but healing differs significantly. It’s about reaching a state where you’re unbothered, but this unbothered state exists on a deeper level. It’s like becoming indifferent, not because you’re forcing yourself to be, but because it naturally occurs. This natural indifference arises when you’ve made peace with the past. So, when you reassure yourself or others, saying, “I’m okay nowadays,” it might seem genuine, but on a deeper level, you’re still struggling.

Indifference is not being emotionless, it may look similar, but you’ve got to look at yourself and question if you’re numbing or running away from your past or you’ve truly made peace with the past. Things happen, you cry, you move on. You get happy, continue with life. But this indifference where you are saying that you are indifferent, but actually not because you are indifferent, but just because you are emotionless and you are just numbing your emotions.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.