Imagine for a moment that you find yourself in a pitch-black room. The darkness is suffocating, and you can’t see your hand in front of your face. You feel lost, trapped, and alone. You know that there’s a world outside, filled with light, warmth, and endless possibilities, but you can’t seem to find your way out. In this moment, you have a choice. Do you stay in the darkness, feeling your way around, hoping that things will get better? Or do you summon the courage to leave the room, even if it means stepping into the unknown?

That’s what it feels like when you’re stuck in an abusive relationship, which is devoid of love and care but full of darkness. It’s as if you’re stumbling in the pitch-black room of your own emotions, desperately seeking an escape from the agony. In this emotionally disorienting environment, clarity becomes a distant memory, and the once-obvious red flags of a toxic relationship mostly go unnoticed.

Once you leave, you might find yourself thinking that you were foolish for not leaving earlier or for staying in that abusive relationship for some years. No matter the reasons you stayed in that relationship, whether it was due to financial concerns, strong emotions, cultural beliefs, or the hope that you could change the situation, you’re not a fool for staying. Your reasons for staying are valid because that was the only option you felt you had at that time, or the only perspective you could see.

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Leaving Opens Your Eyes

Once you break free from the darkness and start to see those much-needed glimpses of light, it’s only natural to question your past decisions. You may wonder if you were foolish for enduring the pain, for accepting the unacceptable, and for remaining in a relationship that brought you nothing but heartache. It’s easy to criticize yourself for not leaving sooner when you now see the glaring warning signs that were once shrouded in obscurity.

You’re not really fool for staying as you couldn’t see clearly back then because of the darkness that enveloped you, and the emotional manipulation that you were subjected to while you were in the relationship. Abusers are skilled at hiding their true nature, disguising their actions, and making you believe you are to blame for the chaotic relationship.

Your Inner Critic is Not Your True Voice

The inner voice whispering that you’re a fool for enduring a toxic relationship for an extended period is, in essence, an echo of the darkness you absorbed while being in that unhealthy relationship. This darkness is a breeding ground for feelings of self-loathing, where self-blame and self-doubt become the norm. It’s the residue of the emotional trauma you went through and you should not internalize it as a reflection of your worth.

Using Awareness as a Catalyst for Healing

Instead of condemning yourself for staying, it’s time to explore the reasons that kept you in that situation, to prevent repeating the same patterns in future relationships. The greatest act of self-compassion isn’t labeling yourself a fool but rather addressing the emotional scars left by past experiences. By doing so, you can gradually fill your life with light. Working on yourself makes light the comfortable and darkness an unfamiliar place. Without this self-reflection and growth, you may continue to harbor feelings of self-hate, anger, and resentment, hindering your ability to heal and move forward.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.