Today I’ll be addressing the question of why abusive people suddenly become abusive. This is a compelling question in the context of abusive relationships, especially when you start questioning why they turned abusive after leaving the relationship. There are two sides to this issue.

In the beginning of a relationship, an abusive person often tries to impress or charm you, wearing a mask of the perfect partner. They engage in love bombing, extreme validation, showering you with words of affection, gifts, and fulfilling your superficial and deeper desires. However, these actions are not genuine and lack a deep foundation; they’re merely a tactic to hook you in. As time passes, the motivation to keep up this facade diminishes, revealing the true nature of the person.

The analogy is like a house with a weak foundation — initially, it might look perfect, but as challenges arise, it crumbles. Similarly, in an abusive relationship, the painted picture of a good person fades, and the ‘true’ self starts to emerge.

It’s also crucial to understand that they didn’t become abusive abruptly; rather, you tend to rationalize or minimize the abuse while in the relationship. Often, the desire to maintain the relationship blinds you from seeing their abusive behaviors. Conditioning and societal beliefs about relationships contribute to this tendency to overlook red flags. You might ignore cheating or hurtful words because you want to see the good side of them.

The realization of their abusive nature typically occurs when they continually push boundaries, and you start seeing the abuse when you reach a boiling point where you can no longer ignore or tolerate the abusive behavior. It’s not that they abruptly became abusive; it’s more about your awareness catching up with their actions.

As you heal and come to terms with what happened, you may uncover past instances of abuse that were previously overlooked or suppressed. They were abusive all along, but your perception was clouded by the relationship dynamics.

However, the key now is to focus on your present situation. Once you’ve recognized the abuse, channel your energy into healing, working on yourself, and dealing with the pain inflicted on your life. Taking full responsibility for your healing journey empowers you to break free from the cycle. They didn’t become abusive because of what you did or did not do in the relationship. Their abusive behavior or changed behavior is on them, and your healing and breaking free from these toxic relationship patterns are the only components you have control over in this journey.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.