Today, I’ll be answering the question of why can’t they just understand. I mean, once you realize that you’re dealing with someone, let’s say your partner, who is manipulative or engaging in behaviors that don’t make sense — maybe they have mental health issues, spending problems, addiction, and the like — you wonder, why can’t they just be like a normal human being and understand? Why can’t they do that? Why? Why didn’t they do that? Like, they may do things that seem nonsensical or illogical to you, and you find yourself stuck in the cycle of questioning, why can’t they just treat me well? Why can’t they do this?

The main reason they cannot do just that is because they are human beings with different perspectives. It doesn’t matter if someone has a dark perspective; it’s still their perspective, it’s still how they perceive the world. It’s still how that abuser perceives the world. To them, in dark a kind of way, they just do things based on what they believe and think because they are individuals. However, what happens with most of us is that we want to control other people, make them do things like us or like other human beings. But we don’t realize that each person has a unique life experience shaping their actions and circumstances in the present moment.

This implies that they engage in their actions because, from their viewpoint, it aligns with what they consider to be the ‘right’ thing to do. However, you want them to understand because, from your perspective, you are right. As human beings, we always think we are right.

But let me break it to you: an abuser or someone else cannot see things from your perspective; they can only see things from their own perspective. The earlier you realize this, the better. It’s a good place to be because you don’t have to worry so much about other people’s perspectives; you can focus on your own.

If you focus on your perspective, you’ll realize that wanting to understand why they do that is just a distraction from changing your perspective and looking at yourself. Going to forums and asking questions about abusers or narcissists is just a distraction from going deeper within yourself. Anything that takes you away from yourself is mostly a distraction. The only way is for you to change your perspective, and that’s what healing is all about.

Healing is getting to the point where you understand that an abuser’s perspective is their own, and your perspective is yours. You can’t change their perspective, but you can change yours. Healing is about accepting yourself and circumstances for what they are. Now, you can understand that maybe the abusive person is like that because of their issues, but that doesn’t mean you entertain them. You just acknowledge that there are different types of people in the world — some good, some not so good. What you can do is work on yourself and deal with the painful feelings you have towards others. At the end of the day, harboring hatred and anger doesn’t serve you; it serves them.

No amount of questioning why will help you. The only thing that will help you is going deeper and dealing with your own issues.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.