Today I’ll be addressing the question of how your unresolved trauma leads you to becoming a magnet for toxic relationships. By unresolved trauma, I’m referring to instances where you’ve endured profoundly distressing experiences in the past. This could involve incidents like sexual abuse, neglect, or being raised in an environment where you consistently witnessed harm inflicted by those who should care for you, such as your caregivers or siblings. So, why does this lead you to becoming a toxic relationship magnet?

The main reason is that when you are brought up in these kinds of environments, you tend to develop negative beliefs about yourself. When someone you care about, someone you depend on (because as a child, you have to depend on someone), you get conditioned in some way to grow. This conditioning leads to the development of beliefs about yourself. These beliefs might manifest as thinking that love is synonymous with perseverance, or for you to have a healthy relationship or be treated well, you need to allow others to take advantage of you. It may even lead to the belief that having boundaries is selfish.

All these instances draw you into toxic relationships or relationships where people exploit or use you for their own needs. This happens because deep inside, you believe that’s how it’s supposed to be. You were brought up in an environment where mistreatment was the norm, and now you are drawn to the same kind of environment. It’s all about the aspect of familiarity — what was familiar to you in the past.

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Suppose you’re a woman raised in an environment where your mother endured mistreatment from your father. In such a scenario, there’s a possibility that you perceive an ideal relationship as one where you are being mistreated. In this distorted perspective, mistreatment paradoxically assumes the role of a twisted expression of love and care from your partner. Even if it involves physical abuse, you are drawn to it because it’s familiar, it’s all you’ve ever known. This subconscious pull towards a toxic relationship happens because your unresolved issues find ways to reinforce themselves in the present moment. What you believe about yourself will tend to find ways to show up or to prove themselves in your present actions and your life circumstances.

When you happen to find yourself in a healthy relationship, you may tend to sabotage it because it doesn’t feel safe or exciting to you. You might come up with excuses like, “He’s not man enough,” just so you can leave that healthy relationship, which contradicts your deep-seated beliefs about yourself. On the other hand, a toxic relationship, with all its betrayal, may feel safer and more exciting.

Unless you resolve these issues, you will find yourself consistently drawing unhealthy or toxic relationships into your life. It becomes a pattern, and to break free from that pattern, you have to work on resolving those underlying issues or breaking free from those subconscious beliefs you’ve developed due to past experiences.

If you find yourself stuck in a pattern of attracting toxic relationships and can’t figure out why, despite knowing the red flags, it means the pattern is beyond your current level of awareness. No amount of reading or willing yourself to leave will help. You have to work on the underlying issues.

Therapy is about bringing choice back into your life. Without working on your unresolved issues or root causes, you may feel you have no choice but to stick to toxic relationships. Working on your unresolved issues or childhood traumas is a great step to breaking free from toxic relationship patterns for good.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.