Today, I’ll be addressing the question of why your abusive partner may appear helpful or charitable to others while mistreating you, their partner. What I’m referring to here is the tendency for many abusers to perform acts of ‘goodwill’ or charity for others, such as building bridges, offering financial assistance to strangers, or engaging in other altruistic deeds, all while neglecting their partners or families.

The primary reason behind this behaviour is rooted in the abuser’s deep-seated insecurities and fragile sense of self-worth. By portraying themselves as benevolent and altruistic individuals to the outside world, they seek validation and admiration from others. This external validation becomes a source of fulfilment for them, as it feeds their ego and boosts their self-esteem.

In essence, abusers perform these acts of kindness not out of genuine altruism, but rather to garner praise and attention from others. They understand that society tends to celebrate and applaud those who engage in visible acts of charity or generosity. Thus, by showcasing these deeds to the public, they reinforce their own image and reputation as “good” people, masking their true intentions and character flaws.

Regardless of the charitable acts they may perform for others, it’s essential to prioritize how they treat you within the confines of your relationship. It’s easy to become distracted or misled by their outward displays of generosity, perhaps even leading you to question if you’re the problem. It may really be tempting to focus solely on their outward actions but it’s important to remember that true character is revealed in how they treat you behind closed doors, in moments of vulnerability and intimacy. These interactions reflect your real experiences and provide valuable insight into the dynamics of your relationship.

Furthermore, it’s worth noting that performing charitable acts, while commendable, does not absolve them of their underlying issues or negative behaviors. It’s relatively easy to contribute monetarily or engage in philanthropy when one has the means to do so. However, confronting and addressing internal struggles, such as anger, resentment, or hatred towards others, requires a deeper level of introspection and self-awareness.

In conclusion, if you’re experiencing abuse or mistreatment, whether it’s physical, emotional, or otherwise, it’s vital to prioritize your own well-being and safety above all else. Don’t be swayed by superficial displays of kindness or generosity towards others. Instead, trust your own experiences and perceptions of how you’re being treated within the relationship.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.