Today I’ll be answering the question of what do you do when you remember the good times of the abusive relationship. They may have been physically abusive, emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, or just all those kinds of abuse. But there were moments, even if it was brief, where you really felt that maybe they are changing, where you really felt ‘loved’, or where they really did something amazing to you, especially mostly in the early stages. They might have pampered you, taken you on these expensive vacations, bought you expensive gifts, really made you feel special, or put you on a pedestal, like you were on top of the world.

And then also, during the relationship, sometimes they may have sprinkled in something unexpected. Let’s say they’d been mistreating you for 300 days, and then two days there, they do something amazing. So, because your mind has gotten used to their abusive environment and your mind wants to stay in that relationship, your mind will end up keeping these good memories because they’re just rare memories. So, when you leave you may have flashbacks of the good memories.

So, what do you really do? The first thing you have to understand is it is a memory, and having flashbacks of these good memories is not a bad thing. You don’t need to beat yourself up or overanalyze it, thinking thoughts like, “Maybe if I go back, they will treat me differently,” or “Maybe I did something wrong.” Memories, whether good or bad, are just memories. It’s up to you to assign meaning to them in the present moment.

One common piece of advice often given in online forums is for people to just forget about it, to change and distract themselves by focusing on the bad memories. While initially, focusing on the negative may seem helpful in steering you away from the good memories, it can also be detrimental to your well-being. You risk the pain of retraumatizing yourself.

So, instead of resisting those memories, simply let them be. Be mindful of them, but don’t attach too much meaning to them, as your mind may endlessly spiral, seeking ways to bring you down and make you regretful of what you’ve lost. While good memories may pull you back, see them for what they are: memories. There’s no need to fight them or distract yourself from them.

Just acknowledge them as part of your past experiences. Having memories, whether good or bad, doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s similar to recalling something you did two weeks ago that no longer affects you. So, don’t let these memories consume you or lead you into a cycle of negative thinking or over-analysis. Simply acknowledge them as part of your journey and move forward.

While there were moments in the relationship where you felt loved, the majority of it involved mistreatment. That’s precisely why you made the decision to leave. Now, it’s essential to focus on healing and addressing your inner demons. Healing involves accepting that you may not forget or erase your memories, but the past doesn’t define you as a person. Instead, it becomes a pathway to your own inner growth.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.