Should you be compassionate towards the narcissist? Actually, this is a very interesting question, and it can’t really be explained in a yes or no answer. And actually, I think the best place to start is by saying no. Now, let’s explore this idea of compassion.

According to Psychology Today, “Compassion is an empathic understanding of a person’s feelings, accompanied by selflessness, or a desire to act on that person’s behalf.” Put simply: Compassion entails understanding someone’s predicament and having the desire to assist them. When you observe someone facing difficulties, you feel compelled to offer support.

Practicing compassion is A Flawed Idea

That’s all okay, but when we talk about compassion, we include the word “practice.”

Someone might tell you, “Oh, you should practice compassion with the narcissist. Oh, because they are that way due to abuse or upbringing.”

While these points are valid sometimes, it doesn’t really mean that just because you know what they’ve been through, you should practice compassion.

Actually, the idea of practicing compassion is kind of flawed because when you are practicing something, it means that it’s not innate. When you’re practicing to be good, it means there is no goodness. Similarly, when you’re practicing to be compassionate, it means there is no compassion. So, the best place to start is not to practice compassion but to be honest with yourself.

Acknowledge Your Hatred

If you harbor genuine hatred towards the narcissist, your ex, or your narcissistic family members, don’t deceive yourself by pretending to show compassion. Reconnecting with them solely because they’ve faced hardships doesn’t constitute genuine compassion; it’s merely a facade masking deep-seated resentment with insincere gestures. Authentic compassion cannot be forced or practiced; it emerges naturally when you’re truthful with yourself. You cannot genuinely extend compassion while still holding onto feelings of anger and resentment. Compassion is deeply personal and cannot be adopted or rehearsed like a skill.

You cannot practice compassion because at the end of the day, when you try to be nice, it feels forced. Compassion isn’t about being forced; it’s about honesty. You need to acknowledge the hate you have towards the person, towards the narcissist, towards all those people who put you through a lot in life. Just acknowledge it. It’s better to acknowledge it and say, “Actually, I hate narcissists,” or “I hate my parents,” or “I hate my ex-husband.”

Don’t Start with ‘Practicing Compassion’

When you pretend to practice compassion because you understand your abusive ex’s past, you’re not truly involving yourself in the practice. You’re choosing to harm yourself, and genuine compassion should encompass your well-being as well. You may find yourself being exploited or taken advantage of by people simply because you think you’re compassionate. You may also shy away from cutting off people who are constantly using you.

Acknowledge the anger and resentment you have towards them, and then maybe compassion will be born out of that.

Compassion is something that emerges when you acknowledge the negative emotions you have towards those you want to be compassionate towards. It’s not about practicing; practicing is just another mask. It’s about acknowledging the pain and working through it. That’s when compassion may arise. So, it’s not something you can force; it comes when you work on your emotions and heal.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be compassionate. No, it doesn’t work that way. Work on yourself, operate from your true self, and let compassion naturally flow from there.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.