Book Appointment Now
Overcoming the Fear of Consequences After Abuse: Reclaiming Your Strength
One of the most common hurdles most survivors of abuse face when they want to break free from the binds of abuse or even leave that abusive relationship is the fear of consequences. This fear can be so paralyzing that it keeps you stuck in a loop of formulating the worst-case scenarios in your mind.
The fear of consequences is what stops us from making tough decisions and following through with what our hearts desire. It stops us from doing things that may be considered inappropriate or wrong, like leaving your relationship.
In this article, we will explore this fear of consequences in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, as well as provide insightful tips that can help you deal with this fear without letting it cripple your life.
The Paralyzing Fear
The fear of consequences is literally paralyzing, as it keeps our minds fixated on various scenarios that could happen if we act. The abusive relationship has ruined your self-esteem, and the abuser has also conditioned you to believe that those consequences will happen if you leave the relationship. The most common “what ifs” or questions when you want to leave that abusive relationship are:
· “What if I leave and have to face financial challenges?”
· “What if I leave and end up alone?”
· “What if I leave and they end up changing their behaviors?”
· “What if I leave and the abuser tries to harm me?”
· “Will I really manage it on my own?”
· “What if my family misunderstands me and blames me for the failed marriage?”
Fed with these fears, you may just resort to “I just can’t do it” and stick to the relationship because you think that the consequences are too much for you to handle. What solidifies these fears is the abuser may have threatened you or manipulated you to believe that you can’t do it on your own.
These fears will also follow you once you leave the relationship, and you may even think that because of the emotional struggles you’re having, the consequences you feared are coming to light. It feels like your life is a self-fulfilling prophecy of your worst fear coming to fruition. For example, you may feel that your loneliness is evidence of the “fear of ending up alone.”
Fear Breeds Fear
We need to understand that when we live in a state of fear, we will develop more fear. Imagine a small fire that, if left unattended, grows into a blazing inferno. So, your fear is the initial spark that ignites the fire, and each subsequent fear adds fuel to it, making it burn brighter and stronger.
If you’ve experienced abuse, your initial fear may stem from the traumatic experiences you endured. Unless you process this fear, it stays with you and affects how you think and feel. And when new fears come up, like being scared of trusting others or getting into new relationships, it adds to the original fear and makes it even worse.
It’s the fire that drives you crazy with those infinite consequences if you move on from that relationship. The more the fire grows stronger, the more it becomes hard to contain, which cripples your life and makes you feel resigned to give up.
That’s why you have to take the steps to extinguish this fire before it grows further. There are a couple of practical steps you can take to deal with this overanalyzing and fixating yourself with the fear of consequences.
Recognizing Your Strength and Resilience
Something about fear is it stops us from seeing the past fears we’ve faced. You can lower the intensity of these present fears by looking at your strength and resilience. You can look at those past traumatic experiences you’ve gone through, and yet here you are. It’s painful, but you’ve endured all that. That’s why you’re even reading this article.
The abusers in your life have called you names, hurt you, and done countless things we can’t even talk about, but yet here you are. You’re that resilient tree amidst the storm. You should be proud of yourself, and you’re also going to face those worst-case scenarios your mind is feeding you with. You may carry scars, both visible and invisible, but you’ve stood withstood those experiences, and you will also withstand what you fear. You’ve overcome your fears in the past, and you will overcome what’s to come, but even wiser.
Take One Step at A Time
Instead of getting overwhelmed by all those potential consequences of leaving the relationship or moving on after that discard, you can focus on taking those small, manageable steps. The smaller the step you’re taking, the lesser the fear. What’s the consequence of taking that shower? Or of taking care of yourself? Or of eating those healthy meals? Or of picking up that book? Or of saving a few bucks for yourself?
Breaking your journey into small actionable steps will allow you to stay more in the present and avoid getting consumed by a lot of future consequences, some of which you will never have immediate answers. By focusing on immediate steps, you can slowly build momentum and create positive change in your life.
Deal with Your ‘Original Fear’
As we’ve mentioned above, fear breeds fear, and this means that you can go the extra mile in dealing with your fear of consequences by dealing with the original fear buried in the dark recesses of your mind.
Your past experiences altered how you believe about yourself. Those beliefs are what’s making you think that you will end up alone, even when there’s no clear present evidence to support those claims in your present moment.
You might be interacting with beautiful and amazing people, and you might even have legitimate reasons why you’re choosing to stay single, but those limiting beliefs will always whisper and scare you.
By working on those negative perceptions, you have about yourself, you will be able to recognize your resilience, your beauty, and your awesomeness on a deeper level. That’s how you deeply shift your narrative from pain to taking control of life.
In conclusion, your fear of consequences is manufactured in the mind, and healing is going in there to free yourself from the prison of your own mind. It’s an inward journey that requires courage and commitment to face what’s making you run away. Your original fear is paralyzing you and keeping you stuck. Work on it, and you will understand the difference between manufactured fear and true fear.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
References
1. https://narcwise.com/2018/12/23/getting-past-fear-leaving-narcissist/
