In the beginning of a relationship, there may be this need of wanting to impress the other party or just wanting to express the affection you have towards them. You may genuinely want to express your love for them, or you may simply want them to see that you are there for them, that you’ve got their back. It’s a new relationship and when it’s new there is excitement and all feelings of euphoria.

You may have been single for a long time, and you don’t want to lose them; rather, you just want to shower them with love. You admire and compliment them, feeling fortunate to have them. Initially, the motivation in many relationships stems from the fear of losing the other person.

To dispel this fear, you aim to give them your full attention. However, in this article, we’re not focusing on that motive. Instead, we’re exploring how to distinguish genuine relationship-building affection from love-bombing. These actions may appear similar to some extent, making it challenging to discern which is a red flag and which is normal or genuine.

Intensity

The key difference between normal affection and love-bombing is intensity. When you’re being love-bombed, you’re showered with excessive affection or affectionate acts. The love bomber may excessively call you, put you on a very high pedestal, give you extreme attention, and present you with extravagant gifts or things out of the ordinary. You genuinely feel overwhelmed by their grand gestures, and in some sense, you feel suffocated by their ‘love’ and affection. They may also want to spend all their time with you, disregarding your autonomy or your need for ‘me’ time. The relationship is moving so fast; you may have just met, but you’re already talking about baby names or even planning to move in together. It’s moving faster, and you can’t seem to grasp why it’s happening.

In normal affection, the expressions of love and care are characterized by a balanced and gradual approach. It involves genuine gestures that contribute to the growth of a relationship without overwhelming intensity.

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Unlike love bombing, where displays of affection are excessive and immediate, normal affection allows the relationship to develop at a natural pace. In this context, you might experience occasional showers of affection, such as receiving thoughtful gifts, occasional calls, or sweet texts. These expressions are meaningful but not overpowering, allowing both individuals to maintain their independence and have space in the relationship. The emphasis is mostly on understanding each other organically, fostering a connection that grows over time rather than being forced or rushed.

The True Litmus Test

Understanding the difference between normal affection and love-bombing may not be enough because we all have different measuring sticks for intensity and pace. Some may be okay with sex on a first date, while others may not. You might be comfortable with words of affection, while others may not, or you could be more generous with your gifts. So, relying solely on these excesses may not always work, as when we’re in the midst of it, we may not clearly distinguish or see the situation for what it is. That’s why using comparisons may not really be helpful, or it may constantly put you on guard as you start your dating journey.

That’s why the best litmus test for a new relationship is to ‘frustrate’ the other party. When we start a relationship, we’re always eager to impress, and that’s where we get stuck in unhealthy patterns. The most effective way to defuse a love bomber is to communicate to them that you’re uncomfortable with overwhelming words of affection or simply by asking them to slow down. The litmus test lies in their response or reaction to those words.

When they respond well and acknowledge your boundaries, then you’re in a better place. However, if they get furious or try to defend their love bomb, or even distort your reality by saying things like, ‘You don’t like being loved or being treated like a king/queen,’ then you should be cautious about your next steps.

Asserting your boundaries early on protects you from becoming emotionally entangled in the manipulative state of love-bombing, preventing you from stepping on those emotional landmines. If you go along with excessive gifts because they quench your desires, you open yourself to manipulation or the feeling of needing to reciprocate their grand gestures.

In conclusion, there might be times when you’re unsure if the ‘love bombs’ are genuine, but what you can always do is defuse them before they start exploding by asserting simple boundaries on the pace and intensity of the relationship. While you may be tempted to follow along, doing so opens yourself up to potential distress later on. In your relationship, don’t always try to impress the other; instead, be true to yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

References

1. https://www.verywellhealth.com/love-bombing-5217952

2. https://www.psycom.net/relationships/what-is-love-bombing