Imposter syndrome surrounding healthy relationships is a common issue for people who have experienced abuse and neglect in their past relationships. It can make you feel like you are not worthy of a healthy relationship or that you are somehow faking it. You may feel depressed around genuine and loving people, and you may feel out of place when you meet someone who is the opposite of what your abusive ex or the narcissist used to be.

Your new relationship may have all aspects of a healthy relationship, but you feel like a clown or a fraud. You feel that your partner does not deserve someone like you, and they would rather be with someone else who is good enough. Even if your partner gives you assurance that you are doing well and that you do not need to do anything to make an impression, you still find yourself trying so hard to meet their expectations.

In your head, you set expectations of what your partner wants from you, even when they have never asked for those expectations. You put yourself under so much pressure because you feel that the ‘current you’ cannot match up to your partner’s standards. You feel that they will eventually leave you because you will never be good enough, even when they show zero signs of doing so.

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You feel like an imposter, more like being in the right place but at the wrong time. That is what it feels like when you find yourself in a healthy relationship without healing. It will be uncomfortable for your unhealed self, and you may even end up unconsciously sabotaging that relationship because of what you are carrying deep inside. No constant reassurance from your partner is making you feel like the relationship is the best place for you.

So why do you feel like an imposter in safe environments? It is because a healthy environment is unfamiliar to you and your mind. You have been used to invalidation, abuse, and neglect in your relationships. You have never seen peace, happiness, and authentic connections.

Those authentic connections provided by your genuine partner are threatening your ‘comfort zone,’ and your mind will try so hard to take you back. It will try so hard to sabotage that ‘healthy relationship’ so that it can keep you safe. When the ego is threatened, it will react defensively as an act of self-preservation.

Analogy:

Imagine being a fish that has only ever existed in a polluted, dirty pond. Having adapted to surviving in such an environment, it becomes all that you know. But one day, you are suddenly transported to a crystal-clear pond, where the water is pure, and the surroundings are healthy. The problem is that this new environment is completely unfamiliar to you. You do not know how to swim in such clean water, nor do you understand how to interact with other fish who have only ever lived in healthy surroundings. You feel like a fraud, out of place, and unwelcomed. You even feel stressed and depressed, and you just want to get back to your old dirty pond with other ‘sick’ fish.

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You want the exciting unhealthy relationships with highs and lows, not the boring and peaceful healthy relationship without drama. That is what it feels like when you are an imposter, you are the ‘wrong’ and ‘dirty’ fish in the right pond.

To adjust to a clean environment, you have to clean the fish or cleanse yourself of the toxic behaviors you have picked up from your past relationships. You have to work on your deep feelings of inadequacy and negative beliefs you have about yourself so that you can swim in the clean waters.

You are not your past experiences, but those experiences will sabotage your current relationships and even stop you from building any meaningful connections in the present life. The only way to fit in and stop feeling like a fraud is to heal, let go of who you think you are, and embrace who you are.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.