A narcissistic relationship will render you powerless, making you feel like you have no strength to even work on yourself and reclaim the happy life you deserve. What weakens you even more is realizing that all the flattery and charm in the beginning of the relationship were just a façade to lure you in.

Taking your power back after narcissistic abuse is not easy, as you’ve been emotionally battered, and your sense of reality has been shaken, making you seem like you’re just a slave to them. The notion of reclaiming your power after abuse might seem overwhelming and scary, as you feel that the narcissist will still find a way back into your life. This fear is reinforced by the fact that you’re still trauma-bonded to them, and the narcissist has probably smeared your name in the neighborhood. In simple terms, a highly manipulative person takes you hostage during and after the relationship.

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Their lack of empathy means they can do anything to control you and make your life miserable. With a narcissistic person, you’re powerless to change them, negotiate with them, or reach an understanding with them, even after leaving the relationship. So, how do you break free from these shackles, regain your power, and find healing?

How to Take Your Power Back from A Narcissist

1. Understand Some Truths About the Relationship

Knowledge is power for survivors of abuse and poison for narcissists. The more you understand about the dynamics of a manipulative relationship, the more you’ll have those ‘Aha’ moments where everything starts to make sense. Your energy will gradually return as you uncover truths about what you’ve been through.

You’ll realize that you weren’t foolish for falling for their lies or staying too long; you were simply an innocent, loving human being who didn’t realize someone could create an illusion of love and make another person’s life miserable.

You’ll also understand that it’s okay to have insecurities, weaknesses, strengths, and vulnerabilities, just like any normal human being. However, you fell for someone who exploited them for their own needs. On top of this, you’ll know that facing the pain you’re experiencing is an essential part of the healing process.

2. Reverse Discourse:

Reverse discourse involves using preexisting terminology but developing an opposing interpretation. According to Shahida Arabi in her book “Narcissist’s Nightmare,” reverse discourse puts you back in control of the abusive language that has been used against you.

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It also helps release the rage you have towards the abusers due to the cruel words they’ve used. It involves diluting the impact of abusive words and redirecting them to become sources of strength. There are various creative ways to empower yourself by taking control of the language that narcissists have used against you.

I. ‘Talking Back’ to the Abusers:

This isn’t about literally confronting them but having an uncensored conversation in your mind about what they called you. Create a safe space where you can vent all your resentments towards the person who has made your life a living hell.

You can do this by journaling (preferably handwritten), expressing your frustrations in every way you can think of, and writing down all the negative words you’ve ever wanted to call them. Let it all out on paper to release the anger you’re carrying. You can also counterbalance this by writing about the positive comments others have made about you, which contradicts their negative statements.

The more intense you are while doing this, the better — remember, this is for your own consumption, and no one else needs to see it. As long as you do this in a healthy manner without being tempted to send it to them, your healing journey will progress positively.

II. Word or Phrase Replacement:

Another method of practicing reverse discourse, as recommended by Shahida Arabi, is to substitute abusive words with new words or phrases whenever they come to mind or you find yourself dwelling on them. Start small, using positive words you have no trouble believing. For instance, if they called you “ugly,” you can replace that with “I am beautifully unique” or simply “I know I’m a beautiful soul.” There’s no wrong way to do this; adapt the technique to what suits you and empowers you over their hurtful words.

III. Reframing the Meaning of Previously Disempowering Words:

If they constantly referred to you as a ‘bitch’ or ‘not a real man,’ you can reframe these phrases to have a positive connotation. Take your power back from these words by saying something like, “I’m an assertive and intelligent bitch” or “If being a real man means being demeaned and abused, I’d rather not be a real man.”

Realize that words are just words, and you’re the only one who can give them power. Recognizing this can prevent you from dwelling on the hurtful names you’ve been called and help you reclaim your inner strength.

3. Focus on What You Can Control:

To regain your power from a narcissist, concentrate on things you can control. Feeling powerless often arises from obsessing over things you can’t change. These include changing them, waiting for an apology, seeking closure from them, or anything related to their actions.

If you center your healing journey around them, you’ll feel powerless because there’s little you can do, and your efforts might drain your energy. You’ll also face constant disappointment. Here’s the key: to achieve better results in your healing journey, focus on what you can do to improve yourself, not on changing them.

This approach will kindle your inner strength and energetically propel you towards greater healing. Focus on things that uplift you rather than those that bring you down; this will empower you and fuel your healing journey.

Conclusion

Reclaiming your power from someone who has made you feel powerless isn’t easy, but remember, your power was never truly taken away — it’s just been clouded by the verbal abuse of the abuser. The limiting beliefs you’ve developed are a result of constant manipulation that made you feel small. Once you uproot these beliefs from your subconscious, you’ll experience freedom and reclaim the power that lies deep within you.

Above all, to regain your power from an abuser, ensure you embark on a complete healing journey and recognize yourself as a worthy, beautiful, valuable, and intelligent individual. If you need help achieving this, don’t hesitate to seek assistance.

References:

Arabi, Shahida. Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself (pp. 210–215). SCW Archer Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.