Well, if there’s something that will occur after leaving in an abusive relationship or any kind of relationship, it’s this instance of you ruminating about your ex. By ruminating about your ex, it really means that every time you see something that reminds you of them, you think about them, or every time you want to sleep, you think about them. Every time you’re just having some free time or not doing something like working, you think about them.

So it’s all about you ruminating about them and these thoughts could be about what could have been or what really happened in the relationship or just thinking about the good moments you had together or even the bad moments you had together. It’s all about constantly thinking about them. So, how do you stop?

Distracting Yourself to Stop Ruminating About Your Ex

Actually, one of the common pieces of advice people give is distracting yourself. Let’s first start with that. How does it really work?

Distracting yourself here means that every time you have some free time or every time you think about your ex, try to find something to distract you. It can be going to the gym, talking, calling a friend, overworking, or just doing anything because you know that overthinking or constantly ruminating over them normally happens when you have this free time.

Indeed, you may be inclined to believe that if you keep yourself consistently occupied, busier than usual, it will be effective. In truth, engaging in activities or distracting yourself early on can indeed be beneficial, as it minimizes idle moments when intrusive thoughts tend to surface.

So as a temporary measure, when you’re starting your healing journey, distracting yourself may at least offer some temporary relief from ruminating over your ex.

The key word here is temporary as distracting yourself is not really the worst kind of advice in the world as long as you are doing it knowing that it is a temporary measure as you seek a permanent solution. But you know what happens with all temporary measures?

Naturally, these temporary measures often morph into coping mechanisms or compulsory actions, ultimately evolving into subtle addictions. For instance, you may inadvertently develop an addiction to overworking as a means to divert your attention from thoughts of your ex. However, with time, you may find yourself dependent on overworking to an extent where it feels indispensable. This simply shows why such advice may not always be optimal.

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Deal with Underlying Issues

The best advice is to work on those underlying issues because the thing that is making you ruminate about your ex is not actually your memory, no, it is your beliefs or the false identities or the voices your ex left in you.

And these voices normally manifest in terms of how you believe about yourself. So if your ex constantly mistreated you and constantly called you names, you tend to internalize their voices. So every time you think about them because their voices are still inside you. Once you process those underlying issues, it will mean that your thoughts about your ex may come and you may think about them, but it will not have a foothold in you.

It will not have that emotional connection to hold it into place. Because something which holds your problem in place is that emotional attachment. Once you break that emotional attachment, which is by processing those emotions, or those painful emotions, it means that you might be thinking about them, but they will not be taking you into this spiral of negative thoughts and emotions.

You may think about them for two minutes but because you believe about yourself, because you know you are worthy, your mind will not take you on a spiral of coming up with excuses, coming up with reinforcements or rationalizations of like, oh yeah, you did this, you failed in the relationship because you just understand yourself and you know you are worthy on a deeper level. So the root or the fuel for your ruminating thoughts about your ex is how you believe about yourself or the internalized voices which your ex made you believe. So that’s the solution. The solution is going inwards and working on your stuff.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.