Trauma bonding is the intense feeling of ‘love’ towards someone who is hurting you. It might manifest as an intense chemistry you have with them that cannot be explained with words.

You know they’re abusive, and you know the relationship is ruining your mental health, but you can’t seem to get over them. You obsess about them, and you just feel there’s a deep bond you have with them that no one can understand. This bond is stopping you from logically seeing the abuser for who they are.

You may be willing to forgive, even when you know they never really change their behaviors. You feel stuck with them, and you feel that you can’t live without them.

Trauma bonding is like getting a thorn stuck in your finger. At first, it might be painful and bothersome, but as time goes on, something strange happens. Instead of removing the thorn, you become strangely attached to it. You can’t seem to let go, even though it’s causing you more and more pain. It’s an intense and unhealthy attachment to someone who hurts you. Despite the pain they inflict, you feel a strong connection to them, almost like an addiction.

So, how do you break the trauma bond for good? First, let’s talk about the strategies which will not break the trauma bond: –

1. Affirmations

While positive affirmations can be helpful in boosting self-esteem, providing self-empowerment and promoting positive thinking, trying to convince or affirm to yourself that you no longer miss them or that you’re not attached to them will not work because the trauma bond goes beyond your rational thinking.

Affirmations may, of course, lessen the intensity of the negative self-perceptions and blame that accompany the trauma bond. Imagine a trauma bond as a strong adhesive that holds a thorn stuck in your skin. Affirmations are like gentle touches on the thorn — they can help alleviate some of the discomfort and pain, but they won’t magically remove the thorn or break the bond entirely.

2. No contact

Implementing a period of no contact with the person who caused the trauma can be an important step in establishing boundaries and creating space for healing. However, simply cutting off contact does not guarantee the complete dissolution of the trauma bond.

It’s not about creating physical distance; it’s about going inwards and deprogramming the emotional damage they have already caused in your life. Additional efforts and interventions are needed to address the underlying emotional attachment. That’s the best way to make use of your no contact period.

3. Ignoring or suppressing emotions

Suppressing your emotions by keeping yourself busy or distracting yourself may provide temporary relief, but it does not eliminate the bond itself. You cannot dismiss or ignore it because it’s already there. The thorn is present, and no amount of trying to unsee it will make the pain go away. Breaking the bond requires acknowledging and processing those painful emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

4. Time alone

While time can play a role in the healing process, the trauma bond is not automatically broken with the passage of time. Think of it like a deep cut on your skin. If you simply leave it alone without any treatment, it may eventually scab over and heal on its own, but there’s a higher risk of infection, scarring, or lingering pain.

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However, if you actively clean the wound, apply the right medication, and take care of it, you can promote faster and more effective healing. Breaking the trauma bond requires time, active effort, and specific steps to address the emotional and psychological attachments that have developed.

5. Relying solely on self-help resources

Self-help resources such as books, articles, or online forums can be valuable sources of information and support. All of those resources will provide you with validation and even great insights on your healing journey.

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They may also help you understand the feelings you’re experiencing. These resources have their place in your healing, but breaking the bond goes deeper than what you’re currently aware of. It’s not about scratching the surface; it’s about uprooting those uncomfortable emotions ingrained in your psyche.

6. Engaging in new relationships

One last thing: the bond will not be broken by having a new relationship, even if that relationship is “healthy.” “Transferring” the attachment you have towards your ex (or “loving” someone else) in an attempt to stop feeling attached to the narcissist does not break the bond. It’s simply a distraction or a temporary escape from the underlying sense of discomfort.

The discomfort remains even if you find someone better than your ex. The danger of seeking new relationships is that the bond may still unconsciously drive you to attract the same toxic patterns.

How to Permanently Break the Trauma Bond

At first, you may try various methods to ease the pain. You might ignore it, hoping it will go away on its own. But the thorn remains, and the pain persists. Similarly, avoiding or denying the trauma bond may provide temporary relief, but it doesn’t address the root of the problem.

Then, you may attempt to numb the pain with distractions or unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s like using painkillers to temporarily dull the discomfort caused by the thorn. However, the thorn is still there, and its presence continues to affect you.

Finally, you realize that to truly break free from the trauma bond, you need to face it head-on, just as you need to confront the thorn in order to remove it.

Permanently breaking trauma bonds involves processing and addressing the stuck emotions that have developed from past experiences. This involves working through the emotions that have become trapped within us. It’s allowing ourselves to release the emotional weight we are always carrying with us. It’s dropping the emotional weight that keeps us glued to the past.

It’s the weight that feeds us with beliefs that we deserve unhealthy relationships or that we’ll never be good enough. It’s those stuck emotions that make unhealthy environments look so familiar, hence gravitating us towards situations that reinforce those beliefs. It’s dissolving those false beliefs that drive us to settle for less and to feel uncomfortable in peaceful environments. Your bonds to those abusers are meant to be broken, not suppressed, ignored, or transferred.

Healing is not a linear process, but you have the capacity to choose the path you’ll follow. By actively seeking the path of dealing with those traumatic memories ingrained in your psyche, you’re choosing the path of freedom and creating a healthier and more fulfilling life. You will be able to live a life where your emotions are present and not tied to past experiences and events.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts, experiences and research😊.