When you’ve left a narcissistic relationship, you’re even practicing no contact or the grey rock method, you may think that you’ve unclutched from the claws of your abusive Ex. But that’s not always the case because the narcissist may now start spreading lies and false accusations against you.

You’re still traumatized because of what you went through in the past relationship and they just can’t leave you alone. Experiencing the damaging effects of these false accusations and smears from a narcissistic individual can have a traumatic impact in your life. This can be especially devastating when the lies spread by your narcissistic ex harm your relationships and cause you to face questioning and scrutiny from your loved ones. Your loved ones will probably side with the narc because narcs are quite manipulative and persuasive.

They may project this false self of someone who has their life together even after that divorce or breakup and then for you you’re still struggling with the trauma they inflicted on you.

The lies they peddle are in the ranks of you being the one who was holding them back, squandered their money, ruined their life or just did things to them which stopped them from progressing in life. This scenario is where the narc may be moving on with someone else, looking happy, even doing new things (like buying a new car or house) and then you on the other hand because of the pain you’re experiencing you’re constantly triggered, defensive and angered.

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This in itself fuels the smear campaign because your loved ones will be seeing you as the problem and you were even ‘stopping’ the narc from thriving. They have evidence and the narc had also cast their charming spell on them so they can’t really see beyond the mask. Your unhealed self will also look at this and feed you with lies that you were actually the problem. The narc of course has planted their seeds of smear campaign and those around you are just propagating them.

The other scenario is where the narc is struggling with life, they may go to do deep end of sinking into depression or showing that they’ve been really battered by life. They will then spread false accusations as evidence that the ‘bad’ things happening are because of you.

They may say something like you stole their money, you bankrupted them (paying child support), you’re not letting them see their children which is making them depressed, you’re mistreating the children, you’re an addict, you made them lose their jobs, or just anything which ‘realistically’ paints you as this evil person who is making the narc feel that way. You may be moving on with life (to some extent), you even have your own place, your own money but you now get the backlash from your loved ones that you ruined your ex’s life. Your loved ones will interpret and even side with the narc because they are still under the spell and they’ve really seen them overdrinking, stressed and really struggling. So, you’re thriving in life and your ex is struggling, it must mean that you are really heartless and you don’t care at all.

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You may even start shying away from enjoying your life because you don’t want to receive the backlash from your loved ones. You will be tempted to explain yourself or even provide evidence of the amount they’re paying for child support (if any) because you want to prove that you’re not the cause of their life’s misery.

You thought you’d ‘won’ back your family but the more you explain yourself the more, they smell your guilt and feeling bad about yourself. You innocently want to clear your name but your loved ones are having none of it which further entangles you in your ex’s life. You thought you’d moved on but now you’re enmeshed it that cobweb again.

The angle of the narc’s life deteriorating and the other one of them ‘thriving’ will both make the smear campaign work which is really heart-wrenching as you’re being betrayed by someone who you cared for and trusted. The smear campaign paints you as a bad person for moving on with your life and thriving and a bad person for getting stuck and not moving on with your life.

You’re just damned if you don’t and damned if you do. It affects you and it can even keep you stuck as you try to fight to win back your loved ones, friends, community, church or whichever areas the narcissist has infiltrated with their deceit.

You want to prove, justify and explain to them that you’re a good person, worthy of love, worthy of belonging and what they’re listening to and perceiving are just lies. Smear campaign after you’ve left the relationship will really work well and pull you back into the jaws of the narc as they now have your attention and you might be tempted to reach out to them.

So, how do you become unaffected by this Smear Campaign?

We first have to understand that without your reaction or receptivity to the smear campaign, the campaign will just be like hot air. When you don’t follow along with the lies the narc is peddling or what other people are saying because of what’s happening in their lives, then the smear campaign will be legless.

But we follow along because we want to prove our worthiness to those around us, to prove that we’re good people, that we were not the problem and more. When we attach our worth to what other people (even our kids) say about us, we will try to prove our worth to those people. Look at their smear campaign actually as the next step in your own growth and evolution, evolution to the point that what others say about you doesn’t have to define you as a person.

The stronger the urge to defend yourself when lies are being peddled against you, the stronger your worth is attached to your loved ones. The more you do the inner work, the more you’ll realize that all those games narcs play are just feeding on your fear of being painted as the ‘devil’ or being seen a bad person. Those fears are the forces which will drive you to even lower your boundaries and even welcome back the narc into your life because you can’t stand your name being tainted.

But when you deeply know you’re worthy and you’ve worked on those false beliefs about yourself, you will just stand all and see that there’s no point of defending yourself in an asylum. You don’t use an asylum as a measure of your own sanity. Your negative beliefs about yourself are fuel for the smear campaign and when you heal on a deeper level a narc’s smear campaign with not have enough fuel to climb up the hill.

They will try and try to push it uphill till they just get tired and look for another victim. In conclusion, the solution is not always out there, the solution is in the emotional pain you’re feeling when they tarnish your name. When you work on that you will see lies as lies and just live in truth.

You will have this calm demeanor when your loved ones tell you of the what they’ve heard from your abusive ex. The best way to see if you’re starting to really neutralize this smear campaign is when you start feeling less and less reactive and defensive towards their false accusations or even what others say about you. That’s what transformation is all about, taking your power and worth back from the narc and even from your loved ones.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.