Relationships, especially committed ones, can put you in tough spots, but it doesn’t get any tougher than finding yourself in a relationship with someone who is abusive yet disabled. When your partner has a disability, it can evoke immense guilt, and the thought of leaving that abusive relationship rarely comes to mind. Your kind, empathetic soul thinks, “But who will take care of them if I’m gone? They rely on me for so much.” And narcissists are masters at exploiting that compassion to keep you trapped. So, what do you do when your partner is disabled? Do you stay and take care of them, or do you leave and prioritize your safety?

As harsh as it sounds, their disability does not obligate you to remain in an abusive situation indefinitely. You cannot light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm forever. At some point, you have to prioritize your own safety, wellbeing and independence over being a perpetual caretaker to your abuser.

Think about it this way — if this person genuinely cared about you, they wouldn’t be subjecting you to emotional/physical/financial abuse, disability or not. Using their condition as an excuse to mistreat you is just another insidious manipulation tactic to deflect from their cruelty and absolve themselves on any kind of responsibility. They just rely on your compassionate and caretaking side to excuse their inexcusable behaviour.

Also, to challenge this mindset, you can think of people who have some sort of disability but are among the best to have around and even some of the most wonderful souls on the planet. I have seen them and even have some close relatives who are disabled but treat others kindly. There are many of them, and that alone should prove to you that it’s their responsibility to change their behavior and to respect your boundaries.

Your mind will, of course, not allow you to look otherwise because you’re used to that environment, but that’s how you start challenging it: by questioning those beliefs with facts and contradictions. Slowly, you will break the wall that is keeping you stuck in an abusive environment.

The truth is, by staying and enduring the abuse out of misplaced guilt over their disability, you are allowing them to victimize you. Aggressive, toxic behavior from a disabled person is never acceptable, and no excuse is ever enough. Plenty of people with disabilities manage to have caring, respectful relationships without abusing their partners. Don’t buy into the lie that their shitty treatment is somehow understandable or forgivable because of their condition.

https://biiedwin.gumroad.com/l/NavigatingtheStormofNarcissisticAbuse

Moreover, if the situations were reversed, would you ever use your able-bodied status as justification to abuse your disabled partner? Of course not, because that’s not something a caring human being would do. Well, hold them to that same standard instead of making endless excuses. Their disability might explain some obstacles in your relationship, but it does not give them a free pass to mistreat you in any way.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself — are you honestly able to sustain being this person’s caretaker at the cost of your safety, autonomy, and self-worth? Or are you just falling into the codependent trap of prioritizing their needs over your own due to guilt and societal conditioning? Because I guarantee you that as long as you stay from that misguided sense of duty, the abuse will inevitably continue and escalate.

Your compassion is admirable, but don’t let it become self-destructive martyrdom. Find your inner strength to leave this toxic situation and stop lighting yourself on fire to provide warmth for someone who doesn’t even appreciate or respect the sacrifice. You deserve to be safe and put your own wellbeing first.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.