Future faking is when someone paints a utopian future that you will supposedly share together, either verbally or through small gestures, with the intention of obtaining something from you in the present moment. They prey on your deep desires in order to create a future you genuinely want, thereby keeping you invested in the relationship.

Examples of Future Faking

They discuss having beautiful children with blonde hair (referencing Game of Thrones) and living in a picturesque beach house in Bali shortly after meeting.

“You don’t even need to work; I’ll take care of everything.”

“Once we’re married, I’ll change my habits and spend more time with you.”

“Work hard now, and once the company expands, I’ll make you a partner.”

“We’ll travel the world together and have amazing adventures.”

Future faking is a manipulative tactic because it hinges on a future that may never materialize, allowing the person to justify their present behaviors. Distinguishing future faking from genuine growth in a relationship can be challenging.

However, the key difference is that future faking is executed by someone who wants something from you immediately, while taking no real steps to fulfill those promises. Narcissists are particularly fond of future faking, as it distorts your reality and fulfills their needs with minimal effort — simply by weaving a dream.

Manipulators keenly observe your conversations about the future, especially in the early stages, and mirror those desires back to you as a form of faked future.

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This grooming phase serves as an information collection stage for manipulators. They might discuss something you’ve mentioned before, and when they recall it later, you’ll be amazed, thinking they truly understand you. This mirroring creates the illusion of a strong connection, and you’ll stay in the relationship, eagerly awaiting the alluring future.

The Harm and Danger of Future Faking

Future faking is perilous because it can anchor you so intensely to the future that you neglect to see your partner for who they are in the present. You might sacrifice your current life under the assumption that the future will be better.

You could rationalize or overlook abusive behaviors and red flags to preserve the illusion. Lowering your boundaries to maintain the promised future becomes commonplace. Future faking becomes the primary reason for remaining in a toxic relationship, as you cling to the hope that the promised future will eventually arrive.

You become fixated on this idealized future, disregarding present relationship dynamics. The pain intensifies when you realize that what you’ve been waiting for was a lie, and you’ve invested time, resources, and emotion into a fantasy. This realization leaves you feeling deceived, foolish, abandoned, and cheated, realizing you’ve been part of a narcissistic Ponzi scheme. You may have accumulated debts, sacrificed sleep, neglected self-care, or distanced yourself from friends for a future that will never come true.

Identifying Future Faking

Spotting future faking involves several strategies:

1. Too Good to Be True: If promises sound like they’re lifted from a movie script or a romantic novel, exercise caution. If your partner pledges everything you’ve ever desired to the point that it feels as though they’re reading your thoughts, be wary. While mutual goals and mirroring are normal, excessive perfection might indicate a fake promise.
2. Promises vs. Action: When grand promises are accompanied by actions that don’t align with the promised future, beware. For instance, someone claiming they’ll buy a house together but struggling to maintain employment and drowning in debt is a red flag.
3. Unrealistic Speed: If your relationship progresses at an abnormally rapid pace, with talks of children, houses, and deep commitments early on, you might be falling for future faking. Rapid acceleration prevents you from truly getting to know your partner.
4. Broken Small Promises: Pay attention to whether your partner consistently fails to deliver on small promises. These could involve birthday gifts, quality time, or other commitments. If they can’t fulfill minor obligations, how can you trust them with significant future plans?

Protecting Yourself from Future Faking

1. Actions Speak Louder: Focus on your partner’s present actions rather than their words. Words are just that — words. Look for consistent behavior that matches their promises.
2. Pace Yourself: Take your time in new relationships. Avoid rushing into commitments or joint projects before truly knowing each other. Allow rational thought to guide you, rather than emotions.
3. Establish Boundaries: Set clear boundaries regarding how you deserve to be treated. Having strong boundaries safeguards you from empty promises and manipulation. Boundaries ensure that you don’t fall for future faking as a means of gaining present compliance.

Conclusion

Remember, love exists in the present moment, not in conditional future scenarios. Do not wait for conditions to be met for someone to treat you with respect and care. The allure of a perfect future can obscure your perception of the present reality, potentially leading you astray.

Instead of waiting for a promised future, create your dreams without compromising your present. The future remains an illusion, so live for the present. If you find yourself entangled with a future faker, detach from the future vision and assess the relationship for its current state, rather than what it could be.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.