Today I’d like to answer this very interesting question: Can two victims of abuse be in a healthy relationship or form a health relationship?

Let’s start with how we see relationships. When we have something in common with someone, like going through similar tough situations, we naturally feel connected. Think about two people who have both undergone abuse in their past relationships. They understand each other because they’ve been through the more or the same things. So when they talk, they really get each other because they share that problem. They’ve both been manipulated, mistreated, used by their partners.

So when you both have the same problem, you might think, “Hey, this person gets me.” And if you’re also attracted to them, you might believe they’re someone who truly understands what you’re going through. You might even see it as a chance for a relationship that helps you both heal and grow. But here’s the big question: Is it actually a healthy relationship?

It’s not a healthy relationship at first. This is because both people are still stuck in the past and haven’t moved on. If they’ve truly healed, then it can be okay and healthy. But if they’re still hurting from their past experiences, trying to be in a relationship won’t make them happy. They need to learn to let go of their past and the pain it caused. Otherwise, they’ll carry all that baggage into the new relationship. So it’s like two people coming together with a lot of baggage from their past, instead of starting fresh. It’s more like a blind leading the blind.

Of course, all that baggage will weigh heavily on both of them. And while they may feel connected because of their shared experiences, it’s those very experiences that can keep them stuck. When the foundation of your relationship is built on your past struggles, it’s hard to let go of that story. Healing isn’t about forgetting your past, but it’s about not letting it define you. But when your relationship is based on that story, you might not be motivated to work on it because it feels familiar and comfortable, even if it’s not healthy. If you let go of the baggage, you might feel like you’re losing the relationship itself, because the relationship is built on that baggage. You might think that holding onto the baggage is better because at least you have someone to talk to who understands, rather than facing your own inner struggles. But holding onto that baggage might prevent both of you from truly growing and finding happiness.

At the end of the day, we often seek comfort and familiarity. Our minds are drawn to what feels safe and known. This is why two people who have shared problems might find themselves in a relationship together. You might argue, “But Edwin, I want to be in a relationship with them and then work on this together.”

No, there’s nothing like that. While you may commit to working on it together, people have different levels of growth. One person might not be motivated to work on themselves while the other is. So using the excuse of “we’ll work on it together” might just be a way to avoid facing your own fears or your own inner emptiness. Healing is a journey that each person has to take individually; it’s not something two people can do together.

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It’s your own personal journey. Even if you work on it together in the relationship, you’re still the one who has to look inward and confront your struggles. A therapist can help by creating a space for you to process things, but ultimately, healing is mostly self-healing. No external force can heal you completely; it’s something you have to do for yourself.

It’s ultimately up to you to confront your inner demons. While outside forces can offer guidance, you’re the one who has to do the work. Two victims of abuse might get stuck wanting the relationship to succeed, but stepping back and focusing on personal healing shows real commitment. Once you’ve worked on yourself, then you can consider a new relationship.

In the early stages, it might seem like the relationship is working because of the mutual understanding, but both partners are still wounded, and wounded people can’t fully help each other heal. Sometimes an outside intervention is needed. While you may want a conscious relationship, it’s not always easy to achieve when you’re still very unconscious. It’s not a guaranteed solution, but it’s not the best approach to focus on relationships if you don’t understand yourself first.

Finally, if you believe that you need a relationship to heal, it’s important to take a step back and recognize that your past relationships have already highlighted areas within yourself that need healing. Now, you just need the courage to face and heal those wounds instead of seeking distractions or temporary fixes like a ‘relationship with someone who understands you’

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.