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Boundaries 101: What a Boundaryless Life Looks Like Part 2?
Today, we continue with the second part of our boundaries series of articles where we discuss what a boundaryless life looks like and highlight how the simplicity of having boundaries in your life can make things easier for you. Living a boundaryless life is similar to sailing a ship without a rudder. You drift aimlessly on the sea of life, without a clear direction or control over your course. So, how does your life look when you do not have healthy and well-defined boundaries?
- Loss of Personal Identity
When you have unhealthy boundaries, you might prioritize others’ needs and desires above your own. This often happens because you may fear disappointing or upsetting others, so you go to great lengths to accommodate their wishes, even when it comes at the expense of your own well-being. Over time, this can lead to neglecting your own needs and desires, resulting in feelings of frustration, resentment, and a lack of fulfillment.
For example, Let’s consider an example in a romantic relationship where Sarah is in a long-term relationship with her partner, Alex. Sarah has a demanding job, but Alex often asks her to spend a lot of her free time with him. She values her job, but because she doesn’t want to upset Alex or make him feel neglected, she frequently cancels her own plans or works late to be with him. This results in her being exhausted and feeling unfulfilled, as she doesn’t have time for her hobbies, self-care, or personal goals. She has lost sight of her own needs and desires in an attempt to prioritize Alex’s wishes.
Healthy Boundaries: The above scenario could be resolved if Sarah could communicate with Alex about the importance of her job and her personal goals, and they could work together to create a schedule that allows for quality time together while still giving her the space she needs for self-care and her own desires. This way, Sarah can regain focus on her own needs and desires while maintaining a healthy relationship.
It’s simple boundary which even make the relationship better.
- Difficulty Making Decisions
When you have weak boundaries, it can be challenging to make decisions confidently. This indecisiveness often stems from a lack of clarity about your own wants and needs. Since you might be accustomed to accommodating others and prioritizing their desires over your own, you may struggle to discern what truly matters to you. This internal conflict can lead to a constant state of uncertainty and hesitancy when it comes to making choices, both small and significant.
For example, imagine you’re part of a close-knit friend group, and they often make plans without considering your preferences. You tend to go along with their suggestions, even when you’d rather do something else. Over time, you find it increasingly difficult to make decisions outside of the group, such as choosing a movie to watch or a restaurant for a solo meal. You’ve become so accustomed to aligning your choices with the group’s wishes that you’ve lost touch with your own preferences, making even simple decisions feel daunting.
Healthy Boundaries: With healthy boundaries, you have a framework of basing your decisions on. You might express your preferences to your friends and suggest activities or choices that are more aligned with your interests (the boundary). Over time, you’ll regain your ability to make decisions confidently because you’ve reconnected with your own wants and needs. By establishing healthy boundaries and reconnecting with your individual desires, you can overcome the difficulty of making decisions and lead a more authentic and satisfying life.
You make decisions that align with your values and needs and not just flowing with what other people or your friends want.
- Enabling Behavior
Weak boundaries can lead to enabling behavior, where you allow others to avoid being accountable for their actions. Enabling often arises from a desire to maintain harmony in relationships or avoid conflict, but it can inadvertently perpetuate harmful behaviors. When you consistently fail to set clear limits and consequences for negative actions, you enable others to continue their problematic behavior without facing the necessary consequences.
For example, imagine a scenario where a parent, Sarah, has a child, Alex, who frequently neglects their schoolwork and chores. Instead of enforcing clear rules and consequences, Sarah consistently makes excuses for Alex’s behavior, such as blaming the school or claiming that Alex is too stressed to complete their responsibilities. In doing so, Sarah enables Alex to shirk their responsibilities without facing any repercussions. This enabling behavior not only hinders Alex’s personal growth and sense of responsibility but also places unnecessary stress and frustration on Sarah, who is constantly covering for Alex.
Healthy Boundaries: mitigating enabling behavior with healthy boundaries involves setting and maintaining clear expectations, consequences, and accountability measures. In the example, Sarah can mitigate enabling behavior by establishing clear expectations for Alex’s schoolwork and chores, explaining the consequences of not meeting them, and consistently enforcing those consequences. This approach helps both Sarah and Alex maintain a healthier and more accountable relationship while teaching valuable life lessons about responsibility and boundaries.
With healthy boundaries, you empower other to be accountable for their actions and behaviors
Conclusion
At first glance, you may think that boundaries will make you look bad to others or will ruin your relationship, but the opposite is true. They will improve your ‘unhealthy relationships and build meaningful connections in life. It may seem hard or even impossible to maintain those boundaries, but you need to know that it’s even harder and more painful to reflect on the days and years you’ve neglected yourself for the sake of other people. Here’s the thing: it always starts with you rising up and taking care of yourself. Boundaries don’t exclude others; they include you and others. Being without boundaries excludes you and includes others. So, choose a life of healthy boundaries, and you will weed out unhealthy relationships in your life and welcome a life of authenticity and meaningful connections.
For those of you eager to explore the intricate world of boundaries, I have an exciting announcement: our Boundaries course has officially launched! In this course, we will dive deeper into the art of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in real time. You can expect in-depth insights, practical strategies, and a comprehensive understanding of how to navigate the intricacies of boundaries. Click on the link to check it out.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
References
- Cloud, Henry; Townsend, John. Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life (p. 25–26). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.
