What are some of the signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist? Or Is my partner a narcissist?

Those are some questions you may ask yourself especially if you find that some things do not make sense in your relationship. Actually, you may not really know if you’re in a narcissistic relationship early on because a narcissist will not come and tell you they’re going to manipulate you and use you for their own needs. Even if they do, you will not believe it and you may tag along only to find yourself entangled in a relationship that’s sucking the life out of you.

You may have never imagined that there are people (close to you) who just have distorted view of reality or that view things very differently.

“How can they do that? How can they not understand that?”

You’d never imagined that there are people who will do whatever it takes to satisfy their needs, feed their egos or to get what they want even if it hurts other people.

https://biiedwin.gumroad.com/l/BreakingChains

We’ve also never been educated enough to understand that not everyone thinks like us or that there are people who are deeply entrenched in a dark pith and they may not even fully perceive the harmfulness of their actions.

You’ve also been deeply-conditioned to believe that you have to stay with your partner for life (“till death do us apart”) and that in itself means you’ll try very hard to make the relationship work even when it’s so hurtful to you and nothing seem to work.

That’s why unless you see beyond your conditioning and your false identities, you may never really know you’re dealing with a narcissist till you get to the deep end of the relationship where your pain is too much to bear and the only option for you is out or till you are discarded by that someone you think you ‘love.’

In this article, I will be addressing some of the common signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist. I will be referencing most of my content from “You can thrive After Narcissistic Abuse” by Melanie Tonia Evans, a great book and from a great author (I’d highly recommend).

Disclaimer: I am not diagnosing or labelling anyone. Use your best judgment with all this information.

6 Signs You May be Dealing with a Narcissist

1. Emotional Insecurity

Despite their outward appearance of superiority and confidence, narcissists are often emotionally insecure. They may have a deep-seated fear of abandonment or rejection, and use their narcissistic behavior as a way to protect themselves from these uncomfortable feelings.

They are very insecure and they may easily get triggered or upset by small things. They may get so furious and angry over something you’ve done or that’s been done to them. They usually portray a mask of being “full of themselves” just to cover deep feelings of unworthiness and weak sense of self.

Their insecurity can be so extreme to the point that they may track your every move, stalk you or excessively control you so that they can prevent you from ‘cheating on them.’ They will constantly falsely accuse you of things you’ve not done as a projection of their deep insecurities and fears.

2. Extreme Sense of Entitlement and Superiority

A narcissist believes that they are more superior than others and deserve special treatment. They will walk over your boundaries without really caring about how you feel in their quest to get attention, admiration, praise or just whatever they want. They may portray this picture that they have your back or they care about only for them to stab you in the back without a moment’s notice.

They will sap out your energy, space and resources without any kind of remorse when they’re doing so. They are deeply convinced that they do what they do because they deserve it and all you have to do is to comply. If you fail to comply, they will pull various manipulation tactics to get what they want.

3. Circular Arguments and Conversations that Don’t Make Sense

A narcissist will take you round in circles in their conversations. They will not go straight to the point and they will instead take you on a rollercoaster of word salad. They may change the topic or use vague statements which have no meaning at all as a way to deflect those arguments.

They will use these circular conversations just to keep you engaged, confused or to deflect any uncomfortable conversations. You may be questioning them about something they did or something they ought to be responsible for but instead of replying with a yes or no answer, they divert the conversation to something else.

Those conversations will leave you feeling anxious and feeling inferior, you will even wish you had not raised those concerns and it was just a waste of your precious time. It’s all about tiring you so that you can stop raising genuine concerns about the relationship.

4. Pathological Lying

A narcissist is all about living a life in a mask and a web of deceit. They compulsively lie about everything even when there’s no apparent reason to do so. They may use lies to protect their reputation, self-image and to manipulate others.

Their lies begin in the early stages of the relationship where they project this identity of someone who has their lives together just to lure you in. They may also rant about how they’ve been betrayed or hurt in the past so that they can win your sympathy.

A narcissist may portray this grandiose picture of someone will very high moral standards but what they’re doing behind your back goes contrary to what they say.

They can lie with a straight face and you will be very convinced that they’re saying the truth even when you have clear evidence of their lies. They may use their lies to convince others that they are trustworthy, even when they are not.

They may also lie about their life accomplishments but once you scratch below the surface, you will find that most of their deals are shady or something doesn’t really add up. It’s a life built on lies and clouded by more lies to the point where you don’t even know what’s true from what’s not.

5. Blaming Others

One thing a narcissist will never do is take full responsibility or be fully accountable for their actions. They will always blame others or you for what’s happening in their lives even if it’s clearly beyond your control.

A narcissist will do something wrong or inappropriate and look for alibis or an outside circumstance so as to avoid taking ownership for their behavior. They will find a way to twist it and even pin you as the one who is at fault.

For example, if you call them a narcissist, they may deflect it back and convince you that you’re the narcissist and even list you those undesirable behaviors you’ve engaged in that look narcissistic. You will doubt yourself, question your sanity and even believe their allegations.

Another thing is where they are cornered and they have no immediate response to your allegations, they pull out the victim card and blame their past for their actions and behaviors. They will blame their childhood or their traumas for what they’re doing but they will not take the full responsibility to deal or to find healthy coping strategies.

Once in a while, a narcissist will try to apologize but with a ‘but’ in the end. It’s never really a sincere apology, it’s something called a stringed apology. They may say something like, “I am sorry for that but you should have never said that to me.” It’s all about deflecting all responsibility. Read more on blame shifting techniques here.

6. They Lack Empathy

One last common red flag that you may be dealing with or dating a narcissist is their lack of empathy. They may have difficulty understanding or connecting with emotions of others. They may show little or no regard to how you’re feeling and you will find yourself explaining basic concepts of life like care, compassion and feelings to them.

They will even get upset or be highly aggressive when you express your displeasure or concern about the effect of their behaviors in your life. They will not be able to see those things from your point of view. Their action may be very hurtful to you but they do not perceive it that way. That’s why you may beg them to stop doing something which is hurtful but they will look unbothered because they lack the remorse or the guilt conscience to see the wrong in their actions and behaviors.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist is not an easy experience but being aware that there are people out there who can view you as an object and treat you like less of a human being is just a step in the right direction. Being in a relationship with one and sticking to it will be so damaging to your self-esteem and general well-being.

Also, you may understand all this signs but your mind will still find a way to justify your stay in the relationship because that’s your ‘comfort zone of familiar pain’. Some of the common reasons your mind may feed you with include: “My partner is not a full narcissist”, “They’ve not be really diagnosed as a narcissist”, “My partner does not display all signs of narcissism.”

Those may look like genuine and very factual concerns but one thing you have to understand is, learning about narcissism is not for you to classify people as “100% narcissists” or “non-narcissists.” You learn, so that you can understand that there are people out there who think way differently and your job is to keep yourself safe from those people. Your job is to work on your unhealed parts, understand your boundaries and even be at peace with knowing that at times you can’t do anything to change them.

Lastly, do not dwell so much on if your partner is a narcissist or not but instead focus more on how the relationship is making you feel. Is it your daily source of stress and pain or is it your source of growth and understanding?

All this information is good but the only one who has the key to bettering their life is you and only you, not me or the narcissist. You hold the key to a life of fulfillment and all this information just show you what’s possible for you if you heal or if you do not heal.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.