You know how dealing with a narcissist feels like being on a never-ending emotional rollercoaster? Let’s say you’re in a relationship with them and you’ve finally grown that backbone; you’re starting to even call out some of their undesirable behaviours. Then suddenly, it seems like they’re treating you like yesterday’s news. It’s as if you’ve gone from sadly being their favourite play toy to something they found stuck to their shoe.

One minute they can’t live without you, the next they’re pushing you away or acting like they want you out of their lives so badly. You may have been ‘tolerating’ some level of abuse, or you may have been feeling utterly helpless to leave the relationship, but now they’re the ones who want you out so badly, leaving you wondering why they would suddenly want to discard you so harshly, and ‘you’re not ready.’ Of course, the discard is a blessing in disguise, but when you’re caught off guard, you may be stuck with many ‘whys’. So, why would a narcissist suddenly want you gone so badly?

You’ve Seen Behind the Mask

Picture this: you’re at a lavish costume party, and then you see someone adjusting their mask. That’s kind of what it’s like when you start seeing through a narcissist’s false image. Maybe you’ve started confronting some of the behaviours they’d gotten used to, or you’re no longer buying into their false narratives.

You’re even pointing out their contradictions in those stories, and you simply see the real, flawed person behind the perfect image they’ve crafted. You had put them on a pedestal and even elevated them to ‘godly’ lengths, but now you’re seeing their fragile and feeble character.

They feel so exposed, and that triggers their deep insecurity of being perceived as a lesser being. So, they may desperately want you out because the pain is unbearable; when they see you, they see themselves.

You’re Not Playing Their Game Anymore

Another reason why they may desperately want you out of their lives is when you’re simply not playing their games anymore. You may have stopped reacting to their drama, stopped soothing their ego or you’re becoming more and more firm with your boundaries. You’re no longer participating in the playing field so they may want you out so that they can recruit new players. It’s like you’ve taken away their favourite toy, and now they’re having a huge tantrum

Avoiding Accountability

Let’s talk about another reason a narcissist might want you out of their life — avoiding responsibility. When you start holding them accountable for their actions, they often can’t handle it in any manner. The moment you expect them to own up to their mistakes or face consequences, they’re ready to push you way. By pushing you away, they’re trying to avoid dealing with the mess they’ve created.

They’d rather cut ties or discard you very fast than admit they’ve done something wrong and correct it. This isn’t about you being too demanding — it’s about them being unwilling to face reality or accept they make mistakes. They prefer to run away from problems rather than confront them. They’ve mostly dodged it through manipulation, and when you won’t tolerate any of that, they will try to use all means to push you away or suddenly end things.

They’ve Found a New Supply

The other reason why they may want you out is when they’re bored with you and want to entertain their new and fresh supply more. Narcissists view people as a source of their supply — attention, admiration, drama, whatever they’re craving. If they’ve found someone new who’s still starry-eyed and easily manipulated, they might decide you’re no longer worthy of their time. You’re just a pawn in the game and can easily be replaced or discarded for someone else who better serves their needs. They may want you out so badly even as a way to convince their new supply that they’ve ended things with you.

You’ve Become A ‘Burden’

Lastly, narcissists may desperately want you out of their life when they feel you’re no longer meeting their needs or serving their agenda. This often happens when you’re going through difficult times, such as illness, disability, or financial struggles. In their view, you’ve become a burden rather than an asset in their lives.

To narcissists, relationships are not about mutual support but instead an oasis for their insatiable needs. So, when those benefits decrease and they have to take care of you or support you somehow, they will quickly want you out.

Their Discard is Your Salvation

Look, it may really be terrifying to be suddenly discarded by someone, especially when you don’t have a plan or the best way out. But the truth is, a relationship with someone who has a very distorted worldview will never bring better things into your life. You will only keep getting sicker on the side. Their desire to push you away should be the spark for you to start thinking about life without them. It’s also a sign that you’re growing and becoming too healthy for their games. So, keep doing what you’re doing, and you will reach a point where they’re just people you used to know.

Even though it might not feel like it right now, especially when you’re so glued to them, it will happen as you keep focusing on yourself. So, them pushing you away is actually the best thing that can happen to you. The reasons don’t really matter; what matters is you taking that power back.