Have you ever asked yourself this question: what does it really mean to be secure? Is it being full of ourselves? Is it confidence, or is it something much deeper?

One common misconception is thinking that being insecure only means being unable to hold onto relationships or shying away from them out of fear. While those are components of deep insecurity, there is another side too, which is clinging to or holding onto a relationship as if your life depends on it.

You may see the relationship or situation you’re in as a survival mechanism, something your life depends on, and without it, you feel you would crumble.

To understand insecurity, you’ve got to be willing to look at your life without that which you’re holding onto, that job, that relationship, and realize it’s not about outer confidence. 

Insecurity is more about protecting your false self, which happens mostly unconsciously.

In a toxic relationship dynamic, both the abuser and the abused are deeply insecure, but the dynamic works because each plays a role in protecting their fragile inner world. The abused may cling to the relationship out of fear of abandonment or the belief that they are not good enough, while the abuser’s harmful actions stem from their own psychological wounds, fear of vulnerability, a low sense of self, or an identity built on control and domination.

Yes, the abuser may project a sense of confidence or that persona that they have it all together, but that is mostly a façade that has solidified over time, a hardened ego which they will go to great lengths to protect. 

I want you to think of the abuser’s ego like a chicken egg, fragile yet fiercely guarded. The hen will pick a fight with anyone who dares come close because the thought of losing that egg feels unbearable. 

That is how their insecurity operates, it is so high that they will resort to extreme manipulation or abuse just to protect their fragile sense of self. To them, their outer confidence is everything and kind of their source of strength, but in reality, the higher the insecurity, the greater the disconnection from truth and the deeper the harm they cause.

The same applies to you and me. We all have insecurities to some degree. The lower the degree, the fewer compromises we make. You can be slightly insecure yet still have strong boundaries and when faced with any kind of abuse or toxicity in your relationships, that’s where you draw the line and walk away.

But the higher your insecurity, the more your sense of safety depends on that relationship, no matter how unhealthy it is. It becomes your anchor for survival, and that’s when you start making excuses for the other person or justifying their abusive behaviour. 

So, you’re harming yourself consciously but protecting yourself unconsciously. 

That’s why it may not make logical sense to explain to someone that they’re in an abusive relationship and need to get out of it.

So, you may ask yourself, how do you know if you’re insecure? Is it by reading a list of signs?

Actually, it’s more about that feeling and the honesty you have with yourself. Being honest with yourself isn’t easy, as it can feel deeply uncomfortable, especially when your life has been built on castles of deception and conditioning. 

But that’s where true security begins- not by projecting some sort of pseudo-confidence, but by getting to that quiet place within where you’re not easily shaken when things don’t go your way, when people disappoint you, or when life unfolds differently than you had hoped.

Here’s the thing, the more we look for security in the outer world, the more insecure we become, because we start fearing the loss of the very things we depend on for safety. 

But when we pause and look within, we begin to understand that life is uncertain, and that’s perfectly okay. Tomorrow may not look like today, and the partner you trust so deeply may one day betray you, yet you don’t need to take extreme measures to control that. You simply know that if it happens, you’ll still be okay. 

You may, of course, experience some unpleasant feelings, which is okay, but it won’t sink you into the depths of depression, since your inner self wasn’t built on them, but on your understanding of yourself.

In conclusion, by seeing insecurity without rushing to hide it under the carpet with multiple layers of false safety, you start embracing the mystery of life itself. You realize that true security isn’t found in holding on tightly but in allowing things to change, in trusting that you’ll still be whole even when what you’ve built crumbles. 

That very acceptance of uncertainty, that Silent “I’ll still be okay,” is where real security blooms.

NOTE FROM AUTHOR

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREEBREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.