If there’s one aspect of relationships I’ve always been so ‘naively’ against or rather doubtful about, it’s the aspect of commitment. I always saw it from the spectrum of being tied to something that can hurt or drown you in the deep sea of an unhealthy relationship. It’s just from what I saw: friends and family battling nasty divorces, some battling to keep a hold of their unhappy marriage, or battling not to see the truth in their failed marriage, all in the name of being committed because they made a vow to always be committed to that partnership come thick or thin, come rain or shine.

That’s how I saw commitment, as more of a struggle and holding onto that ship even if it’s sinking or even if all the odds show the storm will be so huge that you cannot just hold on, and it would be better to abandon that ship early on, case in point, an abusive relationship.

How many have you seen clinging to that unhealthy situation all in the name of being committed? A lot of people do that. So, the question keeps begging, is that really commitment?

Let’s start with what commitment actually means. Commitment is dedication to a cause. In relationships, the cause is the relationship itself, and the dedication is choosing to be present and invested in it. But for commitment to be healthy and deep, the cause must be worthwhile, and your dedication must come from clarity, not fear. You’ve got to be sober, not under the influence of your unhealthy emotional patterns, so to speak, nor under the influence of those deep fears.

Commitment — The Cause

If you commit to an unreasonable cause, like trying to change your partner or jumping into a relationship just to fix things later, it’s bound to collapse. When that happens, what hurts isn’t just the failure, but the investment you made in something that was never solid to begin with.

So, the cause you commit to must be worth it, and you have to remember that causes change.

When they do, your willingness to adjust matters too. If the cause or the relationship leads down a path where your partner is abusive, exhibiting highly addictive behaviors, and unwilling to change, then abandoning that cause would be the wise thing to do. Commitment should always be an option, and it’s okay to walk away when a cause is no longer working. The only cause you should never abandon is yourself.

Commitment — The Dedication

Now let’s look at another vital aspect, dedication to that cause. With dedication, there is an element of choice, and with choice, there’s always influence.

So, we should ask ourselves, what influences our dedication? Is it fear? Is it growth? Is it deep insecurity? Is it jealousy? Is it comparison? Is it control? Or what is it exactly?

What you’ll realize is that you might not even want to go deeply into this question, as it can feel unpleasant and even shake the whole concept you have around commitment.

And that’s how deep it needs to go for you to uncover the root of your commitment. Once you find that root, you’ll be able to determine whether you’re truly committed or just seeking an escape from the one person you should be most committed to, yourself.

Health Commitment — Element of Choice

Healthy commitment is an element of choice, and making good choices requires a deeper understanding of how your conditioning and environment influence you in the present moment. Without that inner understanding, you’ll keep committing to unhealthy causes, only to find yourself in situations where you feel unhappy, dissatisfied, and struggling to save something that cannot be saved.

You’ll end up uncommitting from yourself in order to commit to someone else, which is one of the highest forms of betrayal- abandoning yourself and your wellbeing for someone else, or allowing your identity to make those decisions for you.

Commit to Yourself

Here’s the thing, without committing to yourself and your well-being, and without feeling that deep security within yourself, your other commitments will feel more like obsessions and escapes instead of choices. They will feel like things you’re clinging to rather than things that help you grow.

You will see them as “must make it work” instead of “want to make it work,” and you will see them as confining instead of liberating.

You will dedicate yourself to them even when they hurt, without realizing that committing and uncommitting are really the same thing- they both stem from having the choice to do so. When you’re robbed of choice in the name of commitment, you’re not really committed; you’re confined.

Conclusion

In conclusion, commit, but understand that you have a choice. Healthy kind of love is being able to commit while still having the freedom to uncommit, and that choice is entirely yours. How much lighter would that feel?

This doesn’t mean you shy away from commitment. Instead, look at it more deeply than rings or words or vows which have been repeated since the age of dinosaurs. See it as dedication to a cause because you recognize its potential and you are sober enough to make conscious choices.

When you are driven by fear, insecurity, or psychological wounds, you may commit to a cause you do not even truly want because your choice is not coming from your authenticity.

Start today by committing to reclaiming power from your false identities so that you can make sober commitments. Your first commitment is to your own growth, and all other commitments will naturally blossom from this deeply rooted commitment.

NOTE FROM AUTHOR

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a BREAKTHROUGH CONSULTATION CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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