When you are in a toxic relationship, you will be subjected to a lot of psychological torture by another human being, or rather, by other human beings. From emotional abuse to verbal abuse, this will make you question or lose faith in humanity. Your abusive partner may have betrayed you and done things you never thought another human being could do to you. To make it even worse, your friends and even your family may end up siding with your abusive ex and see you as the bad one.

It’s a situation where, deep inside, you know you’re a ‘good’ person, but from the perspective of those close to you, you are seen as the one who’s really bad and the one causing your partner or your family a lot of stress.

So, when you sit and observe the mistreatment you’re being subjected to, you will naturally lose faith in humanity and develop the perception that people are bad or that there are no good people. Losing faith in humanity means losing trust in the overall goodness of other human beings. As a result, you may end up isolating yourself from others, withdrawing from social situations, or just generally feeling a deep bitterness towards others.

This is quite understandable and, in fact, it’s your mind’s way of protecting you from constant harm by others. However, in the end, it harms you because you’re carrying the emotional weight of other people on your shoulders.

When you’re feeling bitter because of what other human beings have done to you, the burden of that bitterness doesn’t weigh on the person you’ve lost faith in; it weighs on you, the one carrying those deep feelings of anger and resentment.

So, you haven’t really lost faith in humanity — it’s just that your mind is clinging to the weight of hatred, anger, and all those kinds of negativities because of the past negative experiences that other human beings put you through or what you went through.

As the mind is a very good accumulator of experiences and makes correlations with those experiences, the same thing happens inside you. Your mind and inner belief system are busy scanning the surroundings for evidence that humanity is bad or that other human beings are horrible people.

As you know, you see what you focus on, so if you’ve become accustomed to negativity from others, you will see the negativity. You might even think you’re the ‘odd’ one out or the only ‘good’ one, but when you look more closely, you’ll realize that you have both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ qualities, just like those human beings who’ve betrayed you or put you through a lot in your life.

So, does that mean you should worry so much about faith in humanity and all those philosophical sentiments?

Not really, what matters the most is you focusing on the weight you’re carrying — what they call the log in your own eye. It may seem like it won’t make any difference, but that’s a common misconception. In fact, yesterday I saw a very insightful meme showing the difference between those who want change and those who want to change.

Most people will preach change, read about change, or want others to change for the better, often saying things like, “Why don’t people treat each other well?” But at the same time, they’re not really going deeper to change themselves or to see themselves as part of the ‘problem’ — or rather, part of the solution.

That’s the same with faith in humanity — it’s not really about others; it’s about you doing some deep reflection and asking yourself why you cling so much to those negative experiences and that narrow view of humanity instead of seeing it from a broader perspective, where both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are happening, and you’re simply in the middle of it.

You’ve lost faith in your own garden and are distracting yourself by focusing on other people’s gardens. You thought they’d come help with yours, but they disappointed you or didn’t meet your expectations, so you lost faith.

Now, how about you water your garden, fence it, nourish it, and see it as your own humanity? Wouldn’t that make others see the beauty of you changing? Wouldn’t they notice your emotional maturity, your ability to listen, your ability to be angry but not carry it, your ability to forgive without letting others walk over you? And wouldn’t your life be better, or at least more peaceful, than waiting for ‘humanity’ to change?

There’s only one way: having faith in yourself or that innate trust that you can be the change in your own life.

Don’t focus so much on the bigger picture of humanity when the one at the centre — you — is in turmoil or in conflict with yourself. Solve your inner conflicts, and slowly, others will regain faith in humanity by seeing it in you, not by you looking for it in them. Yes, other people can betray you and do all those hurtful things, but the solution isn’t in asking, “Why can’t people just be nice?” but rather, “Why can’t you treat yourself with kindness and shed the emotional weight you keep carrying?”

As long as you hold onto that weight, you will struggle to see humanity for what it truly is and will only see it through the lens of betrayal and cynicism.