Most of our relationships are actually more about give and take, or rather transactional, simply because that’s what we’ve learned from our forefathers.

However, as we expose ourselves to different people, especially those who are more aware, we tend to open our eyes to new sides of relationships that we may not have considered before.

I’m talking about relationships where there is intentionality, awareness, and full personal responsibility — or relationships where you see your partner as a mirror, not just someone flawed or ‘bad.’

This is different from many of our relationships where we enter as beggars, seeking affection, validation, or love, and often leave them ‘rich’ with pain, trauma, and negative beliefs about ourselves.

Now, in a conscious relationship or where you see your partner as a mirror — not just your source of pleasure or shield from pain — you may have entered somewhat insecure, but you leave the relationship with a much deeper understanding and appreciation of life.

Your Partner as a Mirror

When you see your partner as a mirror, it implies that you view your reactions toward their actions as more a reflection of you than of them. You don’t simply focus on raising and solving concerns in the typical way within the relationship; rather, you go beyond that and see them as mirrors who reflect the various unhidden and unresolved issues in the dark corners of your mind.

For example, imagine your partner doesn’t pick up your phone calls, and you become furious or extremely angry. Your immediate reaction might be to blame them or to scold the once they come home, right? But in a conscious relationship, you’d ask yourself: “What is this anger really about? What’s it mirroring in me?”

Maybe it’s reflecting a deep-seated fear of abandonment or a belief that you’re unworthy. The anger isn’t really about the missed call — it’s a mirror showing you your own insecurities or unresolved wounds. When you react with such great intensity to a seemingly minor incident like that, it simply suggests that there are deeper emotional triggers at play here.

These buried emotions can distort our current perception of reality, creating worst-case scenarios in our heads, like thinking they’re probably cheating or going to leave you, and causing us to react with more intensity than the situation warrants.

It’s like calling the fire station put out the candle, that’s what it feels like when you inner unresolved issues are exposed or triggered by current events.

So, by viewing your reactions as a kind of a ‘you problem,’ you start to uncover layers and layers of stuck emotions within yourself, buried in the dark recesses of your mind. The more you become aware of your old automatic patterns, fears, and beliefs that are influencing your current circumstances without your realizing it, the more you shed and unlearn them.

The Growth Process

As you continue practicing this introspection on your reactions, you will start to grow, as growth is simply more awareness and facing those emotions and fears. You process the emotions and beliefs that your relationship is exposing. It’s not always the most comfortable thing to do, and you might just blame your partner, wait for them to change their behaviour, or even jump into another relationship, but it’s incredibly rewarding.

Over time, you may start to notice an inner shift, and one clear indicator is when the same situation — your partner not picking up your calls — might not trigger the same intense reaction or anger as before. That’s when you know you’ve grown and now have a ‘formula’ you follow in your journey.

You may still feel angry at times when they don’t pick up their phone, but it passes swiftly like a breeze, unlike before when you got really angry and didn’t talk to them for a week. One thing to note is this isn’t numbness or suppression; it’s emotional growth because you’ve processed those deeper issues, so the trigger doesn’t have the same power over you.

This is how you know you’ve grown. You’re not controlled by your reactions anymore. You’re more conscious, more aware, and more in control of your responses.

Easier to Solve Relationship Issues When You Solve you

So, it’s never really about just solving issues within the relationship, but rather solving issues deep within yourself. As you address these inner issues, it becomes easier to separate them from the relationship issues and those stemming from your unloved inner child.

For example, in the scenario where your partner didn’t pick up your calls, you could resolve it by setting clear boundaries on communication, instead of your mind bringing up instances where past partners didn’t pick up and you later found out they were cheating on you.

Though unrelated, that’s how the mind works when you haven’t processed or come to terms with past memories or betrayals. By doing this inner work, you’re able to approach relationship issues with more clarity and less emotional charge.

This process also makes it easier to consider ending the relationship when those concerns aren’t addressed, as you’re seeing things more clearly without your past clouding your judgment. This is how seeing your partner as a mirror benefits you and the relationship — it can either improve the relationship or lead to leaving it, but as a better person than who you were before entering it.

In conclusion, viewing your partner as a mirror in your relationship isn’t always easy; you might prefer to see them as terrible human beings. However, when you see them as mirrors, every conflict and interaction becomes a tool and opportunity for self-discovery.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.