If there’s a feeling that will linger in the back of your mind when you’re about to leave an abusive relationship or when you’re moving on after abuse, it’s that feeling that you cannot handle it. You may feel that you cannot handle life as a single parent, or as someone who doesn’t even have the practical skills to look for a job. That’s how your mind may trick you to stay; it will convince you that you’d rather endure the abuse than face the tough life that awaits.

After all, you’ve been conditioned by the relationship or past relationships to believe you can’t handle things on your own and that you need a ‘partner’ to navigate this crazy world.

In a toxic relationship, you’re never truly empowered to stand up for yourself; the opposite happens — you’re disempowered on a deep level so that you cling to the manipulator and meet their needs. If you were empowered to believe you could handle things, you would have seen their games from a mile away.

That’s why they disempower you or gaslight you into believing that you really can’t handle it. That’s the tape that keeps playing in your head to keep you tethered to them forever and to disregard your inner voice.

Negative Beliefs are Ridiculous

But here’s the funny thing about negative beliefs like “You can’t handle it” — they conveniently forget the instances when you’ve told yourself you cannot handle it but then ended up handling it. Even getting to this point and reading this article, or reaching the point where you left the relationship, or even where you stood up for yourself — you may have thought you wouldn’t wake up in the morning, but you know what?

Remember that time you thought you’d never get over your first heartbreak? Or when you were sure you’d flunk that important exam? How about when you moved to a new city and felt like a fish out of water? Guess what? You handled all of that. You’re still standing, breathing, living.

You handled all of that, and you’re not even giving yourself due credit for it. Also, in that abusive household, you’ve been raising children and dealing with an adult child (the abuser), yet you’ve still been handling it. It’s been painful and not easy, but you still handled that.

Something about negative beliefs like “you can’t handle it” is that they make mountains out of molehills simply because they create a thousand worst-case scenarios instead of balancing it out with a thousand good-case scenarios. That’s what beliefs do — they amplify thoughts, emotions, and actions to suit them. So, by believing you cannot handle that, your belief may scan for possible reasons why you can’t handle it.

It may even point out that your grandmother was in a similar situation and couldn’t handle it, or it may latch onto something totally unrelated just to prevent you from challenging those beliefs or believing you can handle that. When you’re not aware it takes you on a spiral with scenarios that don’t have logical sense.

Actually, when working with clients and they start to see the ridiculousness of their beliefs, it’s mostly a moment of laughter then relief. They often respond with laughter because it’s humorous to see how beliefs can shape their perceptions and realities.

You can Handle That

Here’s the thing: you can handle that. Up to this point, you’ve been handling a lot of stuff, but you’re brushing them aside as that’s what those false beliefs want you to stick with. So, you can handle life without that abusive ex. You’re not just a survivor of abuse; you’re a warrior.

Look up, straighten your chin, and just say to yourself: “I can handle this.” Make a list of those things you thought you couldn’t handle in the past and then ended up handling them. This will help you see your strengths and resilience and understand that the mind will feed you anything to maintain the status quo. By bringing awareness to or questioning the lies the mind or your ego is feeding you, you’re aligning with your truth and the resilience you’ve had all along.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.