I get it — finding the motivation to do the real inner work on yourself after getting out of a toxic situation can feel damn near impossible some days. You’re physically out, but a part of you is still very much entrenched in those dysfunctional patterns and comfort zones of self-sabotage.

It’s like your inner programming has been hardwired to stay stuck in that familiarity of pain and dysfunction. Any attempt at legitimate growth or self-love short-circuits because the wave of self-loathing is so deeply ingrained from the abuse. You could have all the healing tools and support at your fingertips, but still struggle to make that committed shift to a more peaceful like.

So how do you motivate yourself to break free from that comfort zone of familiar pain? One extremely powerful exercise I do with clients is asking them point-blank: “What are you missing out on in life by remaining stuck in this toxic cycle?”

On the surface, it seems like a simple question. But sitting with it brings about so many perspectives. Think about all the beautiful experiences and personal adventures you’re denying yourself by allowing that inner voice from your abusive ex to keep winning:

· You’re missing out on meaningful and satisfying relationships built on mutual love, trust and respect rather than manipulation and mind games because you’re still living in the past.

· You’re missing out on discovering all the amazing aspect of who you authentically are, beyond that ruined self-worth weighing you down. You can discover your true passions without letting your negative voice hold you back.

· You’re missing out just enjoying the simple things in life like eating, sleeping, waking up, having a chat with friends or even catching a movie because all those events are so triggering and most of them remind you of your abusive ex.

· You’re missing out on fully being present for life’ monumental moments — watching your children blossom, taking risks on adventurous vacations, celebrating career wins — because you’re so glued to the past and you don’t think that you even deserve it.

· You’re missing out on an immense feeling of lightness of being, an unburdened joy where you don’t wake up every morning dreading that long day.

· You’re simply missing out on life in itself.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, but you get the picture. Once you look inward and get radically honest about all the fully-lived experiences being stolen from you, it’s like a fire is lit. Sure, the thought of self-work may be tough and uncomfortable as hell — but isn’t tapping into your true self worth struggling for?

Because here’s the beautiful flip side: all those missed opportunities, meaningful connections, and sense of peace are what you’re longing for. And those are the things on the other side of the bridge once you cross it by letting go of the pain you’re carrying with you. You don’t need it; you can drop it and only learn from it.

https://biiedwin.gumroad.com/l/BreakingChains

By valuing yourself enough to do that hard work of dismantling those limiting beliefs, dysfunctional patterns, and negative self-talk installed from the abuse, you’ll start to reclaim those lost parts of yourself. You’ll gain unshakable self-assuredness, self-compassion, and loosen the grip of that inner saboteur.

It won’t happen overnight, but visualizing the sheer scope of life you’re taking back by doing this work can be powerfully motivating in itself. That glimpse of an authentic, liberated future- you living out their best lives with brilliance and potential? That’s what you’d be fighting for one courageous step at a time.

So, if you’re really stuck in the past or chasing revenge fantasies with your ex, take a pause and consider: what are you currently being robbed of by remaining consciously or subconsciously loyal to those past self-destructive patterns?

Let the answers challenge you to take action or even seek help. By seeking help or investing in therapy — or whichever approach suits you — you will gain the things you’re missing out on in life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.