Have you ever noticed how narcissists just can’t seem to learn from their past mistakes? It’s like they’re caught in an endless loop of self-sabotage and dysfunctional patterns. Making the same disappointing choices over and over again — whether it’s blowing up ‘good’ relationships, wrecking their own success in business, or simply in other aspects of life like investing in the same risky ventures, using the same unreliable mechanics or service providers, disregarding legal advice, or making other logical mistakes from which they need to learn and improve for the next time.

You’re left baffled and you’re like- why can’t they just get it together already? What’s keeping them stuck in this cycle of repetitive and costly mistakes?

The Ego and Self-Preservation

At the core, a narcissist’s sense of self-worth is inherently tied to seeking external validation and false realities. Their stuck identity is everything, and it desperately needs constant admiration and reaffirming to feel adequate.

So when life circumstances inevitably disrupt that fragile ego or threaten their inflated self-image, their toxic coping mechanisms kick into overdrive. The lying, manipulation, lashing out, playing victim — whatever protects their false sense of superiority in that moment.

It’s like a scratched record endlessly repeating the only tune the narcissist knows: self-preservation at all costs. Even if it means burning every bridge, alienating loved ones, making the same mistakes, not listening to constructive advice, or crashing their own endeavours time and again instead of learning or listening to fruitful feedback.

The trouble is, this dysfunctional record keeps spinning the same hits:

· “I’m faultless, it’s all their failure!”

· “I deserve special treatment no matter what.”

· “How dare anyone defy my fake narrative?”

· “I will get it next time and will prove to them that I know.” And so on.

And instead of hitting pause for some uncomfortable self-reflection to really learn from those mistakes, the narcissist simply reverts to their greatest hits to soothe their ego: denial, delusion, and the blame game. And so, the endless cycle of making the same mistakes over and over keeps going.

Always Looking Everywhere Else

Here’s the hard truth though: the narcissist’s mistakes aren’t really “mistakes” at all in their minds. To them, there’s always an alibi, scapegoat or way to rationalize and recenter themselves as these ‘flawless’ beings who don’t really make mistakes. They just don’t possess the self-awareness to realize they’re the common denominator in their constant poor life choices.

This reminds me of how we ourselves get stuck focusing on solutions and alibis outside of ourselves sometimes too. If something is going wrong in our lives, we’re so quick to pin it to external circumstances:

· “If only my boss wasn’t so hard on me…”

· “Well, once I have more money then I can finally…”

· “My life will be perfect if this one person just changes…”

We make the same “mistake” the narcissist makes — looking everywhere but inwards for the empowered solution. Our egos love nothing more than an alibi that avoids self-accountability.

At the end of the day, the narcissist’s tragic cycle of self-sabotage keeps on going because they don’t really take the time to be honest with themselves about their roles in their life’s miseries and circumstances. But that also applies to you and me

And until they start looking inward at those harsh realities about themselves, rather than creating a wall of delusion after delusion, the same life mistakes will just keep playing on repeat, eternally stuck with “It’s not me, it’s them” album.

https://biiedwin.gumroad.com/l/BreakingChains

Our work is to audit our own haystack of socially conditioned flaws- the self-importance, lack of accountability, projections and so on. Because in the end, the only way to stop endlessly repeating life’s painful mistakes is to learn from those mistakes and be willing to ask for help when you can’t seem to pull yourself out of them.

This is radical self-responsibility and humility at work — it’s not with the narcissists, but with you, who is willing to examine their life and make changes even when it’s uncomfortable.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.