After leaving an abusive relationship, it’s common to blame yourself for your partner’s changed behavior. You might hear inner voices saying things like, “If I hadn’t said that, maybe they wouldn’t have gotten angry,” or “I should have handled things better, it’s my fault.” These thoughts and voices will stick around, especially if you see your ex-partner moving on and seeming happy with someone else. You might feel like their new partner is experiencing the joy you once had with them, which can make those feelings of self-blame even stronger.

Even though you understand intellectually that you didn’t deserve the abuse, that feeling of self-blame can stick around like a haunting echo, even long after you’ve left the relationship. So, why does this habit of blaming yourself for their behavior continue to cling to you even when you’ve ‘understood’ that you can never change anyone?

The reason for this lies in the psychological manipulation that you endured over time while you were in the relationship. It starts with the excessive praise and idealization from the abuser, making their harmful behavior seem normal. They paint a false picture of a happy future together, making it hard for you to see the abuse for what it is.

Your understanding of reality becomes clouded by the highs and lows of the relationship, and you start believing that their abusive actions are your fault. You might think, “If I can just be more understanding, they’ll see how much I love them…” They’ve hurt you so much that you end up feeling like everything bad that happened is your fault. It’s confusing when someone who was nice suddenly becomes mean and then acts sorry. So, when you finally see their true self and realize they’ve been manipulating you, you’re already used to blaming yourself for what went wrong.

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The dynamics of the relationship shaped you to believe that you’re responsible for everything that goes wrong. Even after leaving, this belief is deeply ingrained in your subconscious, making it hard to shake off. No matter how much you logically understand that it’s not your fault, this programming persists, trapping you in a cycle of self-blame.

This ingrained self-blame extends beyond just taking responsibility for your partner’s actions. It seeps into other aspects of your life as well. For instance, when your parents are stressed or your friends are upset, you might automatically blame yourself for it. You’ve internalized the belief that you are responsible for the emotions and actions of those around you, further reinforcing the cycle of self-blame.

In conclusion, it’s common to blame yourself for other people’s actions, especially if you’ve been around them a lot. But remember, you’re only responsible for yourself. Your mind might try to make you feel like it’s your fault for their behavior, but it’s not true. Challenge those negative thoughts, and you’ll see that you’re carrying too much weight that you don’t need to. You have so much beauty inside you, and it’s time to let it shine by being kind to yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.