When someone is a narcissist and treats you badly, it can be really confusing why they act that way. Their behavior of putting others down, acting jealous, and not caring about your feelings seems to show they know they are not good people. But the truth is, most narcissists actually believe they are good, even great people.

It’s mind-bending how someone so mean and selfish can still see themselves as amazing human beings. But it all connects to narcissists having very fragile egos and deep insecurities they can’t face.

The Narcissist’s Defence Mechanism

Deep down, narcissists feel insignificant and worthless. But those feelings scare them, so they build up a fake, grand persona to protect their egos. They convince themselves they are powerful, talented people who deserve special treatment.

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This overblown ego becomes the narcissist’s whole belief system. Their big egos viciously attack any hint that the narcissist is just a normal, flawed person who sometimes does wrong. The narcissist cannot allow that, so they keep seeing themselves as extraordinary and perfectly moral.

Narcissists don’t just think they’re good — they believe they are heroes doing the right thing that ordinary people can’t understand. When they mistreat someone, they re-write the situation in their minds to make themselves the good guy who was justified.

Lying to Themselves

Part of the narcissist’s delusion is they are incredibly skilled at lying to themselves. They deny and distort reality to absolve themselves of any wrongdoing. They project all their worst traits onto other people instead. When a narcissist looks back on past events, they change the memories so that they see themselves as the selfless, heroic victim, and you as the ungrateful person who didn’t appreciate their goodness. Their self-deception is very powerful.

For example, if you and a narcissistic friend planned a surprise party together. You did most of the work, but when things went wrong, your friend criticized you harshly. Later, when they talk about the party, they remember it differently. They say they did all the planning and that you were unhelpful and ungrateful. They truly believe they were the hero of the situation, while you were the one who failed to appreciate their efforts.

We All Bend Reality Sometimes

While it’s extreme for narcissists, all humans have some tendency to bend reality to make ourselves look a little better than we actually are. We resist seeing ourselves as the villains in our own life stories. Even criminals usually convince themselves their crimes were justified or forced by circumstances. It’s natural for our ego to try to protect itself by seeing us as ‘good’ people, even though deep down, we might have feelings of anger, fear, and bitterness. While it’s easy to criticize narcissists, we also need to be honest with ourselves and look for the negative traits within us that stop us from being our true selves. It’s better to admit that we have flaws than to convince ourselves we’re perfect. When we acknowledge our faults, we become honest and have the chance to improve.

Narcissists take this to the extreme. Their entire self-worth is tied to an exaggerated, unrealistic self-image. This distorted view is the only way they can feel good about themselves. The real tragedy is that they are forever stuck in these delusions, unable to see or accept their true selves.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

References

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/202111/how-can-narcissists-claim-be-both-heroes-and-victims#:~:text=This%20means%20that%20when%20people,as%20better%20than%20other%20people.