Being in a relationship with a narcissist is very hard and damaging. The narcissist’s constant mind games, manipulations, and lack of empathy or remorse make you feel trapped and emotionally drained. Over time their harmful behaviors, like making you feel worthless, ignoring you, rejecting your memories of events, avoiding responsibility, and changing the truth, slowly erode your sanity. You begin to doubt your own memories and self-worth as the narcissist blames you for their own flaws. The constant, subtle abuse and denial of your reality create a confusing, chaotic life that can make even the strongest person feel like they’re falling apart.

In an ideal world, the moment you realize you’re dealing with someone who is manipulative and unwilling to change, the best option is to cut them off and escape that toxic environment. But in reality, many people have to stay entangled for a while longer due to financial dependencies, legal obligations, shared custody of children, or lack of emotional support or some other legit reason. You may find yourself enduring the physical torture for a bit longer as you plan your exit.

So, during that period when you’re waiting for things to fall into place, how do you protect your sanity and wellbeing so they don’t get damaged further?

There are many strategies, but today I’d like to talk about how understanding the deep insecurities driving the narcissist’s abusive behavior can help you avoid unnecessary confrontations and preserve your sanity until you can leave safely. This approach can also work if you’re dealing with someone who isn’t necessarily ‘abusive’ but is unwilling to change or is irresponsible, and you can’t leave the relationship immediately due to unavoidable circumstances (this does not apply to a physically-abusive). It’s not easy staying with them, but sometimes you have to learn to see the situation for what it is.

Deep Insecurity = Strong Defence

First, let’s understand that someone who is deeply insecure will constantly be on the lookout for anything that might threaten their fragile, overly inflated egos and false sense of superiority. Certain situations, topics of conversation, or even innocent remarks can trigger feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy that the narcissist will go to great lengths to avoid. They will always play the defensive card when you do or say something which threatens their ego.

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As you’ve stayed with them for some time, you will realize that there are things that make them really angry or mean. It could be comments about their job, looks, or disagreements about chores, relationship, or parenting. These things poke at their hidden feelings of not being good enough. But it goes deeper than that. Just asking them to change or be more responsible can make them feel like they’re not perfect. And if you mention hanging out with friends or doing your own thing without them, they might get really jealous or panicked about being left alone. Even if someone else pays attention to you or thinks you’re great, they might get really upset and say mean things to hide how they really feel.

Moreover, if you show real feelings or vulnerability, they might not get it and feel bad about themselves. They might even turn your feelings against you, making you feel like you’re selfish. Even doing things on your own or being proud of yourself can make them really mad.

Journal Those Triggers

Those are just some of the aspects that may trigger them, and as crazy as it sounds, knowing what triggers them helps you avoid unnecessary meltdowns when you can. You might even want to keep track of what sets them off. If they talk about your undercooked meals or criticize your looks, you might have to hold back on saying anything.

Instead, try to give non-confrontational responses like “you’re right, I’ll do better next time” or “okay, you’re right” to stroke their ego and prevent angry outbursts. You’re aware of what you’re doing, and it’s okay to act stupid to appease their ego; that’s wisdom. You don’t have to fight or want to be above them. No, you play by their terms, but you know your end goal is closing that gap or that logical gap that’s keeping you from leaving.

It’s an uncomfortable tightrope to walk, for sure. But by accepting that narcissists are broken people who subconsciously see any potential criticism as a fatal threat to their carefully crafted self-perceptions, you can at least predict and avoid poking their insecurities until you have a solid exit plan or leave the relationship.

Also, you need to go easy on yourself and see this as a game where there’s no win or lose; you’re just doing your best to protect your wellbeing. Don’t take their reactions and outbursts personally. If your plan backfires, keep refining it. It’s much better to be aware than to cling to a sinking ship or get hurt trying to make them understand. You may still have feelings for them, and that’s okay, but remind yourself that you deserve to share those feelings with someone who appreciates you.

Moreover, if you can’t accept that they won’t change or you can’t implement survival strategies on your own, it’s okay to seek help. Someone can assist you in preparing mentally to face them and come up with a plan to keep you relatively safe in that relationship. You deserve better.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.