Today I’d like to answer this question: Can decades of trauma from narcissistic abuse vanish overnight once you get a good relationship? This is a great question. The question looks at a scenario where someone leaves an abusive relationship and enters a new one, possibly a healthier one. They’ve been dealing with trauma symptoms like trouble sleeping, feeling empty, unloved, unappreciated, and overall feeling invalidated.

So, when you start this new relationship, you might feel amazing right away. You’ll feel loved, validated, and really good about yourself. You’ll even feel confident. At first, you might believe that all your trauma has vanished. You might even think you’re completely healed and get really excited.

But here’s the catch: that’s just what the new relationship has done. It’s given you a temporary feeling of relief. It’s like a distraction, a way to avoid facing your trauma. Your past trauma likely involved other people, like your caregivers or your abusive ex. So, when you’re with someone new, you might feel that relief or feel better simply because you’re experiencing ‘love’ again or the love you never got from your past.

You might start to believe that feeling loved in this new relationship is how life should be, or that your trauma is gone because you’re feeling loved. It’s like putting a bandage on a wound — initially, it feels better because you can’t see the wound anymore. Without seeing it, you don’t feel the emotional pain, and you might even feel indifferent to it because it’s temporarily hidden.

When you enter a new relationship, especially after narcissistic abuse, it might seem like your traumas have vanished or your wounds are healed. But that’s not the truth. It’s just a temporary mask. After a while, maybe a few weeks or months into the relationship, those traumas will come back to the surface. It’s similar to using any coping mechanism, like drinking or drugs, to numb the pain. Initially, you might feel better, but eventually, the effects wear off, and the pain returns. The new relationship becomes your coping mechanism, which is why you feel excited and euphoric, thinking your traumas are gone.

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The trauma will persist until you confront it head-on, rather than covering it up with more distractions. These distractions could be overworking, alcohol abuse, entering a new relationship, or anything else that keeps you from acknowledging the wound for what it truly is. True healing comes from facing the trauma, understanding it, and then letting go of the emotions that tie you to the past, the ones that keep you hooked on those painful memories.

A new relationship might seem like a positive support system, but it can’t truly erase your trauma. Instead, it often serves as a temporary distraction, allowing you to avoid confronting your unresolved issues. Sometimes, the excitement and euphoria you feel in the new relationship stem from the validation and love it offers, something you may lack within yourself. However, if you become dependent on this relationship, you risk repeating the cycle and ending up in another toxic situation. Relationships can bring temporary happiness, but they can’t heal deep-seated trauma. The real healing comes from within, by facing your fears and addressing the underlying issues you’ve been avoiding. It’s a challenging journey, but it’s necessary for true healing.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.