Today I’ll be addressing the question of why you invalidate your feelings after experiencing abuse. Invalidating your feelings refers to moments when you experience emotions but dismiss or downplay them. For example, you might feel regretful and then tell yourself, “I’m not supposed to feel that way,” or you might want to cry, but think, “Why should I cry? I left an abusive relationship; I should be celebrating.”

So, why do you feel this way? The main reason is likely because throughout the relationship, your emotions were constantly invalidated. You may have been told you’re overreacting, not strong enough, and so on. When your emotions are repeatedly dismissed, you start to believe they’re invalid or bad. For instance, if you’re a man, you might believe it’s wrong to cry or feel regretful about losing the relationship. These distorted beliefs about emotions stem from the constant invalidation you experienced.

When a belief becomes deeply embedded in your belief system, it influences how you perceive yourself and the world around you. Your beliefs essentially shape your identity, forming a fundamental part of who you are. So, if you’ve come to believe that your emotions are invalid or unworthy of acknowledgment, this belief becomes a core aspect of your identity.

As a result, when you experience emotions that contradict this belief — such as feeling sad, angry, or regretful — you perceive them as being in conflict with your established identity. This discrepancy creates internal tension and discomfort because it challenges the core belief about your emotions.

In response to this conflict, you may instinctively invalidate or dismiss these emotions to maintain consistency with your identity. In other words, if you believe that your emotions are supposed to be ignored or suppressed, you’ll likely reject any emotions that suggest otherwise. This cycle perpetuates the pattern of invalidating your feelings because they don’t align with your deeply ingrained belief system.

It’s crucial to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. When you experience an emotion, allow yourself to fully embrace it. Whether it’s sadness, anger, regret, or any other feeling, let it happen without judgment or suppression. This process is an integral part of healing — it involves releasing the emotions that have been suppressed or invalidated.

Suppressing emotions can lead to additional challenges, including physical symptoms or other issues. By acknowledging and accepting your emotions, you pave the way for healing and growth. Remember, being emotional is not a sign of weakness; it’s a natural aspect of being human. Regardless of past experiences or beliefs, it’s perfectly okay to feel. So, practice self-compassion and grant yourself permission to experience and process your emotions fully.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.