Someone did ask this question: ‘Why did I let them mentally abuse me for 6 or more years?’ This question often arises once you’ve exited the abusive relationship. It’s not about self-blame but an exploration of why it happened. There’s only one answer — when you’re deeply immersed in a situation, you cannot see other alternatives. Familiarity becomes like second nature, and even if the experience is painful, you can’t see beyond it in that moment.

There’s a saying that goes, ‘You can’t see the forest for the trees.’ When you’re in the thick of it, you may not fully grasp the reality of what’s happening. Once you’re out, the perspective changes. The mind becomes accustomed to physical, emotional, and verbal abuse, making it challenging to recognize the toxicity.

When you’re in the relationship, you don’t really have time to look at yourself. It’s like being in a tense situation where you’re walking on eggshells, constantly scared, and yet still wanting to make it work. When you’re psychologically entangled, you’ll ignore, rationalize, or make all sorts of excuses for their abusive behaviors. The lens you’re operating through is that of them being your life partner, and you don’t want to lose them. When we’re in a relationship, we mostly see only one thing, which making the relationship work. That’s why you can’t truly understand what’s happening or the mental abuse you’re enduring until you step out of it or until you come back to yourself or your senses

It takes an external catalyst, a different perspective, or leaving the situation to truly understand what was happening. Leaving the relationship can bring up intense emotions. Revisiting these instances might lead to self-blame, self-hate, or retraumatization. Seeking help to cope with the pain becomes crucial at this stage. Instead of fixating on why you stayed, focus on what you can learn from the past abusive relationship. Ask yourself if you seek too much validation in relationships or if you’re looking for love externally due to a lack of self-validation.

Avoid getting stuck in overanalyzing the past. Acknowledge that in the moment, alternatives might not have been apparent. Remind yourself that you did what you thought was best at that time. The key is to shift your focus to the present and what you are doing now to improve your life, build better boundaries, and foster healthy relationships. Go easy on yourself and understand that healing is the now and in taking full responsibility with your current awareness in the present moment.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.