Today, I’ll be answering this question: Will making it official make them stop their unhealthy or toxic behaviors? Making it official here means that, let’s say you are dating this person, and you see some red flags — small red flags like maybe being extremely flirtatious, sometimes ignoring you, or taking you on emotional roller coasters where they do things you don’t like.

So, will making it official, like getting married or making the relationship exclusive, really make them change their behaviors? Because I’ve seen people say that it’s okay, once you get married, these people will start changing and become the partner of your dreams because now you are in this solid and committed relationship. Another scenario is where you may say to yourself that once you have kids, they will become responsible or they will love me more. It’s all about pushing the date or clinging on the hope that changed behavior will occur once some event happens. While we may never really know if they will change their behaviors, it gets really risky if your relationship or your commitment is clinging on a very dangerous unknown.

Will it really stop someone from being manipulative? Actually, making it official in the initial stages may give the impression that now it’s official and they me delete everything, stop being flirtatious, etc. But this is just the initial, exciting phase of the relationship. They may display better behavior initially, but it’s not a true indicator of change. If someone has toxic behaviors and you didn’t like those behaviors before entering the relationship, the best time to save yourself is before making it official.

Because once it’s official, it becomes harder for you to leave, and you might end up overlooking or watering down their behaviors. When it’s official, the commitment is long-term, making it harder for you to leave. Also, the motivation for someone to change disappears because they know you are committed, and they may think, “What’s the point of changing? You’re not going anywhere.” It’s better to understand your non-negotiables, work on your fears before committing to it, or before ‘investing’ in a ship which is already partially sunk.

Making it official doesn’t stop someone from being manipulative; in fact, it can keep you stuck in a relationship that you could have exited early. Instead of hoping for change after making it official, it’s better to establish non-negotiables for yourself, wait, and understand those non-negotiables before jumping into a relationship.

For instance, if one of your non-negotiables is not staying with someone addicted to something, it’s better to let that person go before making it official. Starting a relationship with non-negotiable problems is not the right approach. Better to start when there are issues you can live with but not those that go against your values.

Non-negotiables are things that go against your values. Starting a relationship that contradicts your values is starting on the wrong foot. The person may never change, and it could affect your self-esteem. Making it official adds complications like divorce, in-laws, mutual friends, etc. The best time to leave a relationship that isn’t working is before making it official. It’s better to end a troubled relationship early than to live a life of constant trouble.

It’s okay to wait, and it’s not a must to rush into a relationship. In fact, being single is a great opportunity to really work on the loneliness and explore that desire for really wanting a partner. Most times that deep, strong desire to be with someone is us running away from our deep fear of seeing our emptiness, our emotional immaturity, our insecurity and all those deep stuff we sweep under the rug. As long as you’re happy and have inner peace, that’s what matters. Making it official doesn’t necessarily end manipulative or toxic behavior. The key is having a firm stand and understanding your boundaries to recognize when others are manipulating you.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.