When you’ve left an unhealthy relationship, one thing you’d really wish for is to forget everything. You’d like to forget that you ever were with them. You just wish there was a pill that could help you erase the memories which keep flooding your mind as you lay your head on your pillow each night.

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You simply want to forget everything associated with your ex, that ex who has done atrocious things to you. When you think about them, your mind starts replaying scenarios or flashbacks of some of the abusive things they did to you. When you think about them, you just get so angry at yourself for not leaving sooner. You know they don’t care about you and they’re moving on, but you just can’t seem to get them out of your head. Let’s explore this further.

When You Resist You Think About them More

The one thing we have to understand is that the more you want to forget or try to will yourself not to think about your ex, the more you end up thinking about them. The more you try to force yourself not to think about them, the more a counteractive force reminds you of them. When you try to force a mind that has gotten used to something, for example, the memory of your ex, it will react by forcing you to remember more. Think of it as blocking or hindering a natural process, which is memory; of course, nature will want to take its toll.

To explain better, you can imagine your mind as a pressure cooker filled with memories and emotions, much like ingredients waiting to be cooked. The more you resist thinking about your ex or try to suppress those memories, it’s like clamping the lid tightly on the pressure cooker. As the heat of emotions builds up inside, the pressure increases, and when you least expect it, the lid might burst open, releasing a rush of thoughts and feelings.

Another thing is, you will also be spending most of your day trying to forget them or distracting yourself so that you forget about them, and then you don’t realize that it’s not simply just forgetting them. When you do an action as a reaction to another action, the first action is still in control and not you. It’s like spending your time trying to clamp the lid of the pressure, instead of letting it flow or living your life.

When you distract yourself from thinking about your ex, it simply means that those distractions are not what you intentionally want to do, but they’re just actions that are still driven by the thoughts of thinking about your ex.

In essence, you may think that you’re forgetting them, but your actions are more of a continuation of thinking about your ex. Logically, you’ve forgotten them, but they still dictate your way of life, which is an illusionary forgetting.

When you also resist thinking about them, you will end up self-loathing and even hurting yourself more since it’s not happening, and you even keep thinking about them more and more. The more you resist, the more you give it power.

Don’t Focus on Forgetting About them

Instead of willing or distracting yourself when those obsessive thoughts about them arise, simply observe how you’re feeling when you think about them. Feel the anger, frustration, and sadness that arise when you think about them. It’s more like allowing the river to flow instead of blocking it. Or, simply put, just as a pressure cooker needs a controlled release valve, sometimes acknowledging and allowing those memories to surface can be a healthier way to ease the emotional pressure gradually.

When you watch, you will at least not feel bad about yourself for thinking about them. Look at that memory as the same memory you have when you think about something you did the previous week.

The memory carries a negative emotion, and once you release or let go of that emotion, you will be okay when you think about the past or your ex. It’s normal to think about them; you don’t have to be so hard on yourself, and you can’t divert your memory from it forever.

When you work on the negative emotions associated with the memories, you feel empowered instead of disempowered by what happened in the past. You get to the point where you rarely get triggered or frustrated when you have occasional thoughts about your ex. Healing is more about dealing with the negative emotions you experience when you think about them or when the memories of your past flash in your mind; it’s not about forgetting.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.