It’s human to need some level of approval and validation, and it’s a fundamental aspect of our social and emotional well-being. In fact, seeking approval or wanting to be recognized by those close to us for the great things we have accomplished in life is a fundamental part of our human interaction. However, in some cases, you may find yourself seeking approval from an abuser, which may seem paradoxical considering that they tend to prioritize their own needs at the expense of others.

In an abusive relationship, you may find yourself constantly seeking approval from someone who has exploited you, and that is something that sticks with you even long after you’ve left the relationship. You may yearn for moments of kindness or affection from the abuser and mistakenly interpret them as a form of approval, believing that you’re worthy of ‘love,’ even though these moments are vastly outnumbered by instances of abuse. You may change your behavior, beliefs, or interests to align with the abuser’s desires, hoping to gain their approval, and tiptoe around their moods and demands, doing everything to avoid disapproval or potential outbursts, even when they offer occasional compliments. So, why do people seek approval from those who’ve hurt them?

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Addictive Nature of Being Love Bombed

The addictive nature of being love-bombed can be a compelling force behind the strong desire to seek approval from someone an abuser. They often start their relationships by showering you with an overwhelming amount of attention, affection, and praise, elevating you to an almost mythical status. This early stage of idealization can create an intense emotional dependency, as it feels intoxicating and deeply validating. You may become addicted to the initial high pedestal they placed you on which leads to you desiring to recapture that elated feeling. The emotional rollercoaster of being placed on a pedestal and then torn down by the same person perpetuates the cycle of dependency and approval-seeking, making it difficult to break free.

Emotional Manipulation

Another significant reason for seeking approval from an abuser is the emotional manipulation they employ. In this situation, the abuser cunningly convinces you that they hold the key to your self-worth. Through manipulation techniques such as gaslighting or name-calling, they systematically undermine your confidence and self-esteem to the extent that you begin to internalize their hurtful remarks and believe their derogatory labels.

This insidious manipulation creates a profound psychological impact, making you doubt your own value and worthiness. As a result, you find yourself desperately seeking their approval as a means to regain an appearance of self-esteem and validation, even if it means constantly returning to the source of your emotional distress or constantly rationalizing their abusive ways.

Fear of Abandonment

The fear of abandonment is the final reason that might prompt you to seek approval from an abuser, and this fear runs deep, often rooted in the fear of being discarded by the narcissist. This fear is particularly strong, as the pain of abandonment can trigger unhealed emotional wounds, intensifying feelings of inadequacy, rejection, and unworthiness. In an effort to protect yourself from this emotional turmoil, there’s this desperate yearning for the abuser’s approval so that they cannot leave you. Seeking their approval becomes a protective mechanism to ensure they do not expose or intensify those deep-seated, unresolved wounds within you. That’s why it may seem easy to stay and seek approval than leaving the relationship.

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Conclusion

In conclusion, it’s important to understand that the most valuable approval comes from within ourselves. Seeking approval from an abuser often leads to more pain and dependency, and it will not quench that inner thirst for your self-approval. Your worth is not defined by someone who has manipulated you and made you think that you cannot survive without them. You only think so because the abuse and the negative experiences in your life have clouded your judgment and perception of reality. You are worthy, and you do not need approval from any relationship to understand that. What you need is to peel back the layers and rediscover that sparkling gem inside you; it’s never gone away, it’s just been distorted or blurred.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.