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Why Your Loved Ones May Not Believe You Were in a Toxic Relationship
“But they looked happy together.”
That’s what comes from the mouths and rings in the ears of your friends and loved ones when you leave that unhealthy relationship. Depending on your situation, they may not outrightly believe you if you tell them that you were in a toxic relationship. They may even doubt you to the point you doubt if there’s still something you can still do to salvage the relationship. So, why does this happen?
Most toxic relationships do not start off as toxic, they begin with your partner mirroring your deep desires, validating you and ‘spoiling’ you. They ‘love bomb’ and flatter you so much that in the back of your mind, you just know you’ve landed yourself a soulmate. The “love” may be so intense to the point where you can’t stop yourself from sharing your excitement to those close to you.
You want the world to really see how beautiful the relationship is. You throng all social media sites with photos of their expensive or unique romantic gestures. You may end up being the talk of town, not knowing that you’re just priming yourself for what will keep you stuck in that toxic relationship. You are happy and everyone measures their ‘normal’ relationship with yours and are somewhat jealous of your beautiful relationship.
Once the idealization phase is over, the abuser starts devaluing you and being distant. They may call you names, ignore you, gaslight you and even lie to you. There’s just this general disinterest and awkwardness in the relationship. You’re witnessing them acting undesirably but because of what they did to you in the idealization phase, you rationalize some of those behaviors.
You don’t want to give up on them or even tell your loved ones yet. You even put on this fake happy face in front of those people who ask you about your relationship. After the flaunting you did about how happy you’re in the relationship, you are afraid of telling them what’s happening in the relationship. You still have hope that it will work and you don’t want to feel ashamed for falling for an illusion.
When the abuse gets worse, you jump into desperate measures to try to save the relationship. They don’t even show any signs of change in them but you still can’t face the world or even talk to your loved ones because you’ve been feeding them with this picture of how your partner is the perfect man/woman.
You’re more ashamed of what you will tell them instead of saving yourself from the tortures of the relationship. So, the relationship set you up to detonate your support network. You can’t really come out and tell your online friends that your relationship is toxic, who can really face that backlash? The relationship was also your source of pride.
Finally, when they discard you, you find yourself in a scenario where no one really believes you were in an abusive relationship. You kept telling them and even lied to them that your relationship was amazing. They even have evidence and they’ve been secretly jealous of your romantic relationship.
The abuse was hidden but the excitement was clearly visible, they just won’t make sense of you claiming you were a victim of abuse. They will even think you’re crazy because you kept praising them, they will be like, “Why did you praise them if you knew they were abusive?” They just can’t understand the deceit and psychological tortures of a toxic relationship.
On the other hand, your partner may look so unbothered by this whole scenario and they’re even moving on with their new supply. You’ve just been checkmated, you are bitter, hurt and you sound crazy but your ‘perfect’ partner is moving on. This further makes it hard for them to believe your side of the story, they will even think you did something wrong and because the relationship ruined your self-esteem you will have similar thoughts.
This is how the game is played, they groom you so that you can self-detonate later on. Your friends may not believe you but you don’t have to lose that belief in yourself. Instead of focusing on sharing your story or convincing them about what happened, focus on dealing with the pain you’re feeling.
They may not believe you and it will even hurt you more knowing your support network are doubting you. It may look like a double loss and that’s why you shouldn’t waste your time and energy defending yourself. The only place you need to focus on is seeking help to deal with those wounds they’ve inflicted deep inside you. Anything else aside from going inwards is just a distraction from you reconnecting with your authentic self.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
